The Bagenski Family

Pop festival recital 2010

2010-10-24T22:14:00.000-07:00

Today was Allie's first recital of the year and of course she did awesome! She has really developed a passion for music within the last six months or so and it is really starting to show. She actually ASKS to practice a couple times a day! What a blessing!!! She is teaching herself songs that aren't assigned (along with the ones Mrs. Yost chooses for her) and passing them the next week!! She's amazing! She's also playing trumpet in band at the middle school and seems to be picking that up quickly too! I don't know if a new trumpet is on the list for Christmas this year...might be. We shall see!

Not sure when my baby girl grew up but it's pretty evident here that she has. My oh my how beautiful she is. We are so proud of her and so blessed that God has entrusted her to us. Hope we don't screw her up too bad!

First Piano recital!!!

2010-10-16T21:40:00.000-07:00

Just got the info on Allie's first piano recital!!! Luke and Grace are too new to participate in this particular event, but their time will come!!! Our little Allison has become QUITE the musician if I do say so myself....annnnnd....I do. :D

NEWSPAPER RELEASE

TO: The Creswell Chronicle

Helen Hollyer & Gini Davis

FROM: Mary Ellen Yost

EVENT: Popular Music Festival

WHO: Area Music Students

SPONSORED BY: Oregon Music Teachers’ Association (OMTA)

PLACE: United Lutheran Church

2230 Washington Street, Eugene

DATE: Sunday Afternoon, October 24, 2010

CRESWELL PERFORMERS: (Students of Mary Ellen Yost)

Teresa Padilla Amador, 3^rd Grade, Home School

Daughter of Silvia Amador & Arnoldo Padilla

Delaney Pietsch, 6^th grade, CMS

Daughter of Therese Brubaker & Chris Pietsch

Allison Bagenski, Creslane 6th grade, CMS

Daughter of Becky & Mark Bagenski

Lauren Heater, Creslane 6th grade, CMS

Daughter of Kathy & Ron Heater

Olivia Powell, 8^th grade, CMS

Daughter of Holly & Larry Powell

Lindsey Quigley, 9^th grade, CHS

Daughter of Laurie & Dave Quigley

Jennifer Fincher-Beard, 11^th grade, CHS

Daughter of Marcia & Kyle Beard

The above Creswell piano students will perform at the OMTA Popular Music Festival which features music of movies, television, jazz, and music of 21^st century composers.

Performing on the 1:00 PM Festival Recital will be: Teresa Padilla Amador,

Delaney Pietsch, and Lindsey Quigley.

Perform on the 2:15 PM Festival Recital will be: Allison Bagenski, Lauren Heater,

Jennifer Fincher-Beard and Olivia Powell.

The Popular Music Festival will be an afternoon of easy listening and enjoyable music featuring Creswell students as well as students from the Eugene-Springfield area.

The public is invited and the festival recitals are free.

My little soccer players

2010-10-15T19:35:00.001-07:00

The first game day for Luke and Grace was tons of fun. Their games were in adjoining fields which made it easier for us old folk! Thank goodness! They both had a great time and did very well!
Allie had her first "All nighter" party with Campus Life the night before and I only let her sleep 3 hours before dragging her to the games! HA! You play you pay, Sister!
She was compliant...not HAPPY, but compliant! :D
Gooooo Thunderballs!!!!
Goooooo Spiders!!!! (And Lukey has the ball! Woot!)
Soccer is a tiring game! Lots of water breaks!

Luke got traded for a bit to the other team. They had him come over and then put him on the sideline. We were like.....um....what?
Allie's friend Mystika was at the game too...ALSO at the all nighter...ALSO on very little sleep! HA! I love meeting mean moms like myself!!!
Nana really gets into the game.
Daddy couldn't stand it...when Luke was goalie he had to go stand next to him and give tips.

Gracie was all up in that mess!! She loves it!
The All Stars! Ok...maybe not...but to me they are!
Annnnnd Daddy continued the tips all the way to the car.
Nana just snuggled.
Only a few more games. Soccer is fast this young! Only 5 weeks long. Next on the agenda I believe is ballet for them both. Luke wants to go back and Grace has been begging ever since Luke did it a couple years ago!!!

My Molly Girl

2010-10-09T21:59:00.000-07:00

Is pregnant. Poor baby has been super moody for well over a month. We thought she MIGHT be pregnant as she and my bestie's dog Walter (a shih tzu) got busy a few times while I was in Hawaii. But ya know...it was the first time she'd ever mated, he's young, we weren't entirely sure they were even doing it right! LOL!!!! A week ago I was petting her and thought, nah...she would be fatter by now, it would be more obvious by now, she can't be.

Then 4 days ago...like literally over night...she got fat! Yesterday she was unable to jump up on our bed! Poor thing!! Then, like an idiot, I GOOGLED Papillion births. Word to the wise...NEVER EVER GOOGLE ANYTHING MEDICAL! I'm totally freaked out now. Papillions are hard to breed, they notoriously have narrow pelvises and puppies get stuck, go breach....just a multitude of issues. I'm freaking out. I've never been so in love with a dog like I am my Molly. She has the most loving personality of any dog I've ever had...I would be heartbroken if anything happened to her. So I'm gonna take some of my hard earned paycheck and take my baby to the vet next week. I want the doctor to either ease my mind and let me know that it will be ok....or plan a c-section.

So hopefully in a few weeks we will have pics of beautiful new Papi-tzus to post for y'all!! :) Maybe something like this......

Exciting new adventures

2010-09-26T20:18:00.000-07:00

So, all three kids are now in school all day. What's a mom to do? There's only so much dusting a vacuuming to be done in a week. Soooo, I've been applying for part time work at various places, one of which was a work from your home computer type thing. Amazingly enough...THAT'S the one I got!!!!

I will be trained tomorrow and then start work on Tuesday afternoon! I will work from my home computer moderating social websites for different businesses! I cannot even BELIEVE my luck. It's like the perfect job for me in every way! I have my friend, Rebecca, to thank 100%. She's been working for the company since February and put in a good word for me. I could never thank her enough...but I'll spend a lifetime trying!

So now starts the new challenge of challenging piano, sports, music AND WORK!!!! It's a happy struggle though...I can't wait!!!

My boy is 8!!! (almost)

2010-09-25T20:36:00.001-07:00

So today we celebrated Luke turning 8! REALLY??? :( Where the heck did the last 8 years go? Honestly. He was super excited all day long, 4:30 took a long time to get here!!

Luke and Tiffany. She is my friend Barbara's cousin and we all are totally in love with her!! She is a beautiful, funny and awesome addition to our family.
My boy and me. He's getting so big. Ugh. But oh my is he ever handsome! Mark and I sure did make good lookin kids!
And HOW did THIS make such good lookin kids? Hmmm....
My girl, Tiffany and me.
Lukey's Mama and Daddy!
The birthday boy and all his loot!

With the new brother, Brian! :)
Gracie LOVES giving her brother and sister her OWN presents. And it usually consists of toys from her own toybox. I love this tradition! Luke is here reading her card...look at how happy she is! They love each other so much!

Nana always gives undies! LOL
Brian was the official "present holder". He deemed himself in charge. Too funny!
Harley loved all the tissue paper! And later on his sister, Alani had a great time with the darts from the new guns!

CHEESECAKE!!!!
All decked out in the new dartgun game garb.
Harley was whipped after everyone went home! So much stimulation! LOL
My handsome cousin, Matt! :)
After the party slowed down, Tiffany had to get things going again. She started wrestling with the girls. Oh my heck...so flippin funny!!!!

Gracie tried so hard! LOL
But Tiff is just VICIOUS!
After they fought, they colored.
Such great artists! LOL

It was a great evening. Luke was so happy to have his family here to help him celebrate. He had a fantastic birthday! He actually turns 8 on Monday, so he's got another 2 days of celebration! :) Lucky kid!

Let Me Hold You Longer

2010-09-22T21:29:00.000-07:00

Let Me Hold You Longer

Karen Kinsbury

Long ago you came to me,

a miracle of firsts,

First smiles and teeth and baby steps

a sunbeam on the burst.

But one day you will move away

and leave to me your past

And I will be left thinking of

a lifetime of your lasts…

The last time that I held a bottle

to your baby lips

The last time that I lifted you

and held you on my hip.

The last night when you woke up crying,

needing to be walked,

When last you crawled up with your blanket

wanting to be rocked.

The last time when you ran to me,

still small enough to hold.

The last time that you said you’d marry

me when you grew old.

Precious, simple moments and

bright flashes from your past-

Would I have held on longer if

I’d known they were your last?

Our last adventure to the park,

your final midday nap,

The last time when you wore your favorite

faded baseball cap.

Your last few hours of kindergarten,

those last few days of first grade,

Your last at bat in Little League,

last colored picture made.

I never said good-bye to all

your yesterdays long passed.

So what about tomorrow-

will I recognize your lasts?

The last time that you catch a frog

in that old backyard pond.

The last time that you run barefoot

across our fresh-cut lawn.

Silly, scattered images

will represent your past.

I keep on taking pictures,

never quite sure of your lasts…

The last time that I comb your hair

or stop a pillow fight.

The last time that I pray with you

and tuck you in at night.

The last time when we cuddle

with a book, just me and you

The last time you jump in our bed

and sleep between us two.

The last piano lesson,

last vacation to the lake.

Your last few weeks of middle school,

last soccer goal you make.

I look ahead and dream of days

that haven’t come to pass.

But as I do, I sometimes miss

today’s sweet, precious lasts…

The last time that I help you with

a math or spelling test.

The last time when I shout that yes,

your room is still a mess.

The last time that you need me for

a ride from here to there.

The last time that you spend the night

with your old tattered bear.

My life keeps moving faster,

stealing precious days that pass,

I want to hold on longer-

want to recognize your lasts…

The last time that you need my help

with details of a dance.

The last time that you ask me for

advice about romance.

The last time that you talk to me

about your hopes and dreams.

The last time that you wear a jersey

for your high school team.

I’ve watched you grow and barely noticed

seasons as they pass.

If I could freeze the hands of time,

I’d hold on to your lasts.

For come some bright fall morning,

you’ll be going far away.

College life will beckon

in a brilliant sort of way.

One last hug, one last good-bye,

one quick and hurried kiss.

One last time to understand

just how much you’ll be missed.

I’ll watch you leave and think how fast

our time together passed.

Let me hold on longer,

God, to every precious last.

Yachats 2010

2010-09-21T22:06:00.000-07:00

What started out as a quick trip over to see friends last year has apparently turned into an annual thing. Mark joined a car club this year that has regular car shows, the main (for us) being a weekend long event in Yachats, Oregon. It is held at this beautiful and quaint motel right on the beach on the edge of Yachats and we literally have the whole place to ourselves. It's amazing! The kids are pretty much free to roam the grounds safely, we aren't worried about making too much noise (cuz those drunk old folks are louder than all my kids put together!), and it's just overall a relaxing and fun time.

Mark and LeRoy, Brothers at heart. They act just like kids when they are together!

The beautiful Oregon coast...there's no place like home.
Babies lookin at the tide pools.

Missy and me!

Wind blown beauty.
BFFS Lauren and Allison.

No CLUE what this was!! And it was dark so we couldn't see it!!! Wasn't until we looked at the pictures that we were like what the heck!!??
Missy and Lukey

Baby girl with her daddy's big car!

Grandpa Jerry (LeRoy's dad)
Grandma Ellen (LeRoy's Mom)

Sunset view out the window from our table at dinner! It just kept getting better and better!
It was LeRoy's birthday the night we got there so we went out to celebrate!
This pic cracks us up!! It was so random!
Allie and Lauren doing a camp skit...they are too funny.

My handsome boys.
Takin self portraits on the beach, lol.
The moon was amazing!
As you could probably guess, I'm blowing up several of these pics for my walls!
My gorgeous girl.

Grandpa Jerry pulled out Nicole (right) and her friend, Raelynn onto the dance floor. So flippin funny!
Then Gracie got in there too. She had no clue what to do with all these drunk adults!
Daddy tried to get her dancing....
Then Grandpa Jerry tried.

We had a nice time sitting around the last night with wine and good conversation. All we were missing was the campfire.

We are already booked and looking forward to next years trip!!! Such a great time. We LOVE Yachats. Someday we will have a beach house there and you're all invited for a weekend!!

Kidney Stones Revisted...

2010-09-21T21:38:00.000-07:00

So while we were in Hawaii, (of course it happened on vacation) Mark was attacked quite viciously by a nasty 7mm stone stuck up near his kidney. After a day of agony and 4 hours in the ER, he was sent home with pain meds. Thanks to our Lord, he was spared any more attacks while there and has only suffered a few twinges here and there for the last three weeks. Alas the "should be set in gold and worn" stone did not budge and therefore had to be surgically removed.

He underwent laser blasting (not the technical term obviously) yesterday and of course it took WAY longer than expected. The surgeon called it "a hard little sucker" and had to spend considerable time shaving it down before he was able to extract it (bummer, no new ring for Becky).

He is recovering nicely, still in some good pain while standing or walking, but seems better every hour. His tentative plan is to return to work (crazy, CRAZY man) on Thursday; can't keep the man in bed to save my LIFE. So stubborn. But what's a girl to do? Gotta be proud of a man with such an amazing work ethic and dedication to providing for his family.

Thanks all for you prayers, thoughts and well wishes for us once again. We love you all!

First day of school 2010

2010-09-14T12:23:00.000-07:00

Allie's first day of Middle School. Sixth grade already. Seriously? Has it really been six years since my baby started school? I just can't believe it. She's half done! HALF DONE, PEOPLE!!!! That's not right.

You can see her excitement oozing from her toothy grin here...and my not so excited, close to sobbing, forced smile next to her. Ugh.
She got a little nervous once we got there. She asked me to come in with her. I kept checking to see if she was ready for me to leave and she never did say yes..."just a few more minutes, Mama".
She got her locker opened on the first try though!!!
Her BFF Lauren getting all settled in. They have all but one classes together! How did THAT happen??? LOL

Her other BFF, Shilo.
Allie and Corrina.
A hallway full of sixth graders...*shudder*
After I picked up Allie from her first day of middle school (only half day) it was time to take Luke, Grace and Brian to Creslane to get settled; drop off supplies, meet teachers etc.
Allie helped Luke organize his desk. She loves that kind of stuff...gets it from her mama.
Lukey picked the seat right next to Amy...remember her from Kindergarten? He was super stoked to have her in his class again!!! (they have since been moved because they talked too much! LMAO)
Allie on her second day of school. How did she start looking like a middle schooler overnight I ask???
Luke and Grace all ready for their first day!

My baby girl on her very first day of school ever! She was so excited! She did testing the day after we got back from Hawaii and was able to skip over Kindergarten and go straight to the first grade! She is in our beloved Mrs. Meeker's class...we could not be happier!!

The kiddos having breakfast!
Luke was a little nervous getting in there. He was acting so weird and didn't seem to want me to leave! He calmed down a little when he saw some familiar faces though thank goodness. Not like my kids to be so nervous!

Gracie on the other hand was all smiles and ready to GO!
Doesn't that hallway look like it could swallow her whole? :(
She sat right down and got to work. Wasn't even phased! Brat!
Put her lunch away and got all unpacked all by herself like she's been doing it for years!
I dropped Allie off and she too seemed as if she'd been in middle school the whole time. No big deal, Mom...I got this!
Luke at the end of day one.

Grace at the end of day one....SHE WAS EXHAUSTED! She couldn't even smile! LOL
and she passed out good that night!!!

Boobie seemed a little sad...she says she was just checking her phone...mhm, sure.

The moms were better AFTER school...we had our babies back and spent an hour at the park.

It was a great couple of days. Now that the kids are all settled into a full day of school I am finding myself with a lot of spare time!!! My house is clean and I'm blogging again!! LOL!!! They ALL start piano today, two of the three are excited for that but I know they will all do well! Both Grace and Luke want to play soccer, that starts on 9-27. So ya, gonna be busy! I love being busy...makes my days go by faster!

Hawaii August 2010

2010-09-13T15:42:00.000-07:00

Ok...I missed it by a DAY. Why, you ask? Because it took me ALL FLIPPIN DAY to upload pics!!! By the time I was done I was too tired to write! LOL!!!!

So as you all probably know, we took a family vacation to Kauai, Hawaii for two weeks in August. The kids, my parents and I left on the 17th and then Mark joined us on the 25th. It is so beautiful there and we made lifetime memories for sure...but I'll let the pics tell the story.....

This is our plane from Portland airport waiting patiently for us to board.
And my not so patient children waiting to board.
She was super excited to be on that HUGE plane!
Second flight of the day, smaller island hopper and Daddy was sleepy. LOL
But Gracie was still excited!

Luke had to make sure his guys were flying safe too.

View from our second story condo. That's all three kids playing with their cousins (who live on the island with my cousin/their mom, Kristy) Slater and Makana.
SSSOOOOO HUNGRY!
Luke and Slater found common ground immediately in Star Wars. They played so well together and we would often find them off somewhere just talking like this. So cool!
Jet lag anyone?
"I wasn't asleep, Mama"...uhuh...sure!
Luke on the other hand had a new friend so he was still going strong!
Simply gorgeous.
Freakin chickens EVERYWHERE. They run wild on Kauai. It was cute and I thought it was so funny...until the roosters woke me up at 5am. Stupid chickens.

Beach right down a path from our condo.

Remember that old rule, never turn your back on the ocean? Ya, the reason they say that is cuz it sneaks up on you...like it did here! So funny!

I had to.
My beautiful Hawaiian princess.
Luke could give Nana a piggy back ride in the pool. He thought that was cool. LOL

My gorgeous girl.
Slater (left) and Makana.

My cousin Kristy was standing at the edge of the pool talking to the kids and was there for a good two minutes. I couldn't resist pushing her in! COULD NOT RESIST!
So we are sitting by the pool and in flies a cockatoo! I was like, are they native? Kristy's like, NO, he probably escaped from a Hotel! LOL

Tired Gracie and Nana.
He really was asleep! Is that not angelic??? Sweet boy!
Freckles.
A beautiful Hibiscus growing on a tree outside Kristy's house. So beautiful!
Pink Plumeria.
Stink eye.
Beautiful Italian mask that Kristy let Gracie try on.

First time at a beach to swim!

Papa didn't go into the ocean...but he strolled and watched. :)

Tired boys watchin Spongebob after dinner. Shortly after I took this they came in and asked to go to bed! LOL
Kristy made us Ahi wraps...omg SO GOOD!!! I'm a tuna girl now!
Grace decided her tooth was loose enough to pull out...
She was right. LOL

Luke and Nana had a blast on this day playing in waves together.

Then the three kids played "Survivor" on this sand island at the mouth of the river. It was quite entertaining!
Papa and Luke's footprints.

Allie is narrating her "Survivor" story here.

Entertaining themselves in the car.
This was snorkeling day. The building on the left is the restaurant Kristy has worked at for like 13 years. Tough work environment looking at that view all day huh?

The water is so warm and clear. Gorgeous.
Getting ready and some instruction. The kids tried but only Allie was able to go out, and she didn't last long. After they came back in I went out...I could have stayed out there all day. So beautiful and peaceful. Definitely something I want to do again.

Luke practiced near the shore.
Grace took it all off and just played with Papa in the waves.
"Spouting Horn"

"The Tree Tunnel"
DADDY'S HERE!!!! We were so ready to have him there!

Some random, beautiful plant on the condo grounds.
Much needed Daddy snuggle time.
and Daddy Pool Time.

and Daddy Beach Time.

Be still my heart.
Luke and Slater chatting it up again!

Sisters!!! This was a bbq we had at the beach. The ONLY way to bbq! LOL
My Aunt Donna and Uncle Don.
Sunset lighting is the BOMB!
No words. God's creation is astounding.
Waileh (or something like that) Falls.

Here's the warning sign....
...and here's my BABY! AAAHHHHH!

Enjoying the convertible Mustang!
Enjoying it MORE!
Night golf!

I've never seen her this tired! Poor baby!
Had to get in some tennis! The kids all played but Gracie caught on the quickest.

and then she was DONE.
It was hot!
Picture spot!
Those mountains are covered in waterfalls. Very beautiful.
Boats docked just where ever...lol so odd!
Sisters goin for a walk.
there's Slater and Luke again!
The kids all jumped off this pier. So high!!!
Sunrise from our patio the morning we left.
Matching shirts for the plane ride!
doh...messed up the order here a bit. this was the day before we left. One final beach day. Grace of course found a friend...she ALWAYS finds a friend!

OH and this playground was about the size of a city block! IT WAS HUGE!!!! I've never seen anything like it. I don't know the history but I"m sure it was some town project. There were hand made tiles that were obviously made by children. So cool!

See Allie's little bitty head?
Volcano tower.
Super cool old tree in the park.

River that leads to Fern Grotto.
In the airport on Maui waiting to board the plane home.
It was an amazing vacation. We all came back exhausted, but tan and happy! :) Mark did spend a night in the ER for a kidney stone (that still hasn't passed btw) and a day writhing around in pain, but that's pretty typical for him! LOL!!!! We still made the best of the little time we had there together as a family.

We definitely will go back. Mom wants to live there...me, not so much. I like my four seasons and fresh clean air without the mugginess. But yes...AWESOME place to visit!

"Yes, Missy."

2010-09-12T23:31:00.000-07:00

It has ever so gently been pointed out that I haven't blogged since June. Ugh. I'm so sorry! There's been so much that has happened and I've totally slacked! And what really sucks is I post all my pics on Facebook so I don't even THINK about my blog! But I do realize there are many of you that do not have time, energy or desire for facebook and I apologize to you profusely for dropping the ball on this!

I am not however going to go back through the entire summer. I'm lazy. I will start with our Hawaii trip from a couple of weeks ago and move forward from there! :) Uh...but tomorrow. Cuz it's late and I'm tired. LOL!!!

Pay it forward

2010-06-18T21:54:00.001-07:00

Last year was to date the worst year of my life. But through it I realized then and even more now, that we saw the best in not only ourselves, but the people around us; the people we loved, the people we knew, the people we worked with, even strangers. The hardest fight of our life brought out amazing blessings to us and around us. We wondered how we would make it through. We wondered how we would make our bills, feed our children, pay our house payment. There were so many people that pulled for us...we received food, school supplies, home care supplies, money...all from friends and family but also anonymously. We were so incredibly humbled by it all and wondered often how we could possibly deserve all of this kindness. How could we ever repay it.

I believe God has brought us the opportunity to pay some of those blessings forward.

Mark and I met this amazing couple (through WoW...but we won't hold that against them!) who have been hit by the recession and it's domino effect. Over the last two years I have grown very close with Barbara (I call her Boobie although to be honest I cannot recall how that started), chatting literally for hours every night via texting! Seriously...over 2800 texts one month!!! It was kind of like an online friendship I suppose...without the computer! So anyway, we finally had the opportunity to meet up with them at the coast a few weeks ago and truly it was as if we've known each other our entire lives. It was just comfortable and easy and we had a fantastic time!

Over the last couple of weeks we've been in discussions with her about the possibility of them moving here. They currently live in Salem and for a multitude of reasons it's not the best fit for them and their 8 year old son. One night while chatting I blurted out that they should live with us! WHAT? Where the heck did that come from? Was I nuts??? But that offer most definitely came from God. Boobie was shocked. As well I would have been in her shoes! She said absolutely not, thanks but no way would it work, no way could they impose, no way would her husband Shane agree, no way would her family let her, no way would her son be okay with it, no way would MY husband agree!!!....on and on and on came the "reasons" and the more she came up with, the more I knew it was the perfect idea.

As discussions continued and her multitude of reasons started to diminish we started to talk to people in our lives about it. There was not one...not ONE person either of us talked to that thought this was a bad idea. If that's not God's work I don't know what is. Long story short, they will be coming to stay with us starting in August.

The Lord works in mysterious ways, it's true. I've seen it over and over in my short life. Mark and I went through a tremendous trial last year with so many people partaking in God's plan in helping us through it. I believe with my entire soul that this is God's way of using us in His plan to help this family. I cannot wait for them to get here, I cannot wait to build our friendships, I cannot wait to see what amazing experiences and challenges the Lord has in store for all of us!

I ask you all to pray for us as we all know it won't be fun and games 100% of the time...but we also know it's right. I look forward to beginning this journey!

Life with a hot headed mom

2010-06-15T21:02:00.000-07:00

Ok...before all you peeps get clickety clacketing on your email to give me the 'What do you mean your mom is so sweet and calm!?', let me clarify that this is from MY kids point of view...not mine! (Although my mom did have to deal with ME as a teen so she had her moments of explosive personality too!) (love you, Mommy!)

For as long as I can remember I wanted to be a mom. There were stages of being a 'Judge or a Beautician' (so not kidding!) and of course I wanted to be a teacher for most of my life (a mom that gets paid right?) but 100% of my life I knew I wanted to have kids. So I KNOW that I am so very blessed not only to have three beautiful babies, but they are healthy, smart, funny and amazing human beings. They are well mannered, kind, generous and loving. I have everything I could think of to want and more in these three gifts from God.

Having said that, I will be the first to admit that I do not always treasure them as I should. I am a redhead. Volatile by nature. I have a short fuse, I am super loud (ok, I yell.) and I'm moody! Ouch....writing it out kinda stung a little. But I'm sure many of you reading this have some not-so-complimentary traits to add to this list...no...I don't want that list in my email thank you very much. On the other hand (gotta give myself SOME props) I'm also quick to hug, snuggly beyond all reason and must tell them 50 times a day that I love them. But I'm beginning to realize that the good doesn't outweigh, nor does it cancel out the bad.

After an extremely hard few months, the sun has started it's healing process on me. I'm feeling better, have more energy and have tons of motivation to get my house in order. One problem. My children have learned some very bad habits while left to fend for themselves while old Mom was napping in bed for 4 months. Now suddenly the messes, the toothpaste drawer, the dishes and crumbs all over, the toys in the yard...ya, you get the picture, these things are really PISSING ME OFF! Now, before ya get your panties in a wad and tell me it's my own fault they got lax about these things let me stop you...I KNOW it's my fault. Tell my anxiety that.

I realize after spending the last two days (literally 2 entire waking days) deep cleaning two rooms (yes...a day per room) it's going to take me over a week to get this place into tip top condition. That's FINE! It's, again, my own fault it got to this point! But then the kids, in all their bad habit glory, come into the rooms I just spent upwards of 8 hours cleaning and DARE to leave a dirty dish on the table!!!! WHAT?! Oh no you DI N'T!!! After the third "flip out" and having some alone time cleaning up the crumbs (again) I decided to take the not so subtle advice of my own CALM mom, and my sister friend Boobie and put it into play. I decided to have a sit down, calm discussion with my three angels. At first I got the puppy dog eyed, I'm so sorry Mama, oh man please don't start yelling faces looking at me. Especially when I informed them that punishment for leaving dirty dishes on my clean counters not once but TWICE today earned them an early bedtime. But an amazing thing happened. I laid out the law, listed all the new rules that will take effect tomorrow, admitted my own faults in the situation, gave them all the reasons why this must happen and it must happen immediately! I noticed a subtle change first in Allie. She started to smile. Then Grace started to act excited about the "schedule" that will be enforced. My little man still looked sad and when asked he said he just didn't want me to be mad at him. Be still my guilty heart!

I realized as we sat down to an energized and happy dinner (despite the impending 830 bedtime mind you!) that not only do my children thrive in consistency and actually crave it, but they thrive when they see ME excited about doing things. They want their house to be in order. They want their Mama to be happy and wanting to do thing and keep things nice. They want me in their space! They love spending time with me even when I'm a creep! Even when I flip out and overreact, all they want to do is make me happy and see me smile.

My children humble me.

I want to be a better mom. I want to be a better person. With a lot of prayer by me and for me(and I do mean A LOT right Mom?) I think I'm finally figuring it out. I don't have to yell. I don't have to hold it all in until I explode. I just need to be as consistent with making my kids pick of after themselves as I am about having manners, being kind, and loving each other.

Hopefully by the time Grace graduates high school I'll have mastered it. God be with me!

Don't say "bomb" in the airport.

2010-05-24T11:42:00.000-07:00

A vital lesson learned as I was being patted down by the security guard before we even got to our gate in Eugene to await departure for Las Vegas. Well...then don't put the word "bomb" on a huge white sign for a 7 year old boy who is just learning how to read to practice on!!! DUH!!! Oh well...lesson learned. For mother AND son!

So our trip started out interestingly and continued in such fashion! The kids enjoyed their first plane ride and were super excited to see the infamous Las Vegas! They were all bug eyed seeing the big city, riding in a shuttle (with no seat belt...Grace did NOT appreciate that one at all!) being in a huge hotel (The Orleans, off strip) and then meeting all the family. It was really cool to experience it with them and enjoy things on their level.

The purpose of the trip was an Erbes family reunion for my grandparents 65th (yes...that was SIXTY FIVE) wedding anniversary! Mom, Dad, my family of five, my brother's family of four, my Aunt Kay, my Aunt Jan and her hubby Jim, my cousins Kami with her man Greg, and Michael, my cousin Taylor, my second cousin Jessica and her hubby Dave...uh...I think that's it! We were quite the show going in for breakfasts in the morning let me tell ya!!! I haven't seen some of my family members in almost thirty years (yes, I AM that old) and other's I'd never met face to face! What an amazing experience to be able to spend some time with them and get to know them a little better.

Our trip started off great, meet and greet, trips down memory lane, looooots of hugs and kisses, mending some relationships that desperately needed mending (who knew Vegas could provide that opportunity!!!) and plans for more annual reunions to enjoy each other all over again! The only bad thing that happened (well...besides the loss of money and sleep) was my girls got violently ill on Tuesday afternoon from what we thought was food poisoning. That was until we got home on Friday and Luke was violently ill...and then MARK was violently ill on Saturday. How I managed to avoid it is beyond me, although I didn't come out unscathed, I have a killer head cold and had vertigo for two days! OY! What an end!! But I would do it all over in a second to see my family.

Families are forever. I'm sporting a new tattoo to prove that! lol! I have to have a tattoo to show my love of everything...I'm sick like that! :P Last week was an amazing reminder of the strength, love, dependence of the family bond. It is unbreakable. In the end of this life I will be proud to say I had an awesome family. I love each and every one of them and would lay my life down for them.

I am blessed indeed.

Thank you, Family, for a wonderful trip, all the laughs, the tears, the help (sick babies) and the memories. I cherish you all and I cannot wait til the next trip; although somewhere my hubby will burn less cash would be GREAT!!!

Dandelion

2010-05-10T09:12:00.000-07:00

Faith is such an amazing thing on so many different levels. We are forgiven, we are promised eternal life, all we have to do is have faith that our Lord Jesus died for us and rose again. Seems like such a simple thing that it surprises me to no end that people don't believe! How can you look at a rainbow, the ocean, a newborn baby and NOT believe in God?

Over the years I've struggled with relationships. As I've grown in age, maturity, faith and MYSELF it's been a process of how to react to things, how to let go of things and where to find the line between protecting my family and myself versus forgiving those who have hurt me. While at the women's retreat I was able to have a very enlightening discussion with one of the women pastors, Judy, from my church and I asked her: "Is it possible to truly forgive someone with out then opening yourself up to them. Can you move on in your life without them in it and really have forgiven them?" Her answer surprised me a little bit, "Absolutely"! SWEET! My initial reaction was such relief...it was like a 50lb weight lifted off my shoulders. She went on to explain why she believes this...here's a summary.

We, as Christians, have the most amazing gift. We are able to give our troubles, our problems, our grief to God. When we have something happening to us we can pray and simply ask Him to take it and He will. All we have to do is Let Go, Let God. (Literally one of my FAVORITE motto's ever!) When we have struggles with people or situations that we don't feel like we can handle anymore, He is always there to help us and guide us, all we need to do is pay attention and listen...obey. He knows our heart.

However, for those that do NOT believe in Him and only depend on themselves for comfort and guidance, they have a very poor example to follow. The poisons in this life from conflict both inside themselves and influences outside themselves start to fester and spread. Judy used a dandelion as an example. As it grows (the poisons) the roots take hold and start to spread. Picture the roots of a dandelion in your head, how long and thick they get, then they sprout off the main strand into smaller strands that then sprout again. It takes hold of the dirt its in and grabs on for dear life. It becomes a huge spikey thing that is almost impossible to pull out! Then the roots start attacking other flowers around it. It takes hold of their space and pulls all the nutrients away from them, killing them. We can try to pull it, but how often do we yank on a weed like that and only get the top of it, leaving the root to continue it's growth and shortly there will be another dandelion to take the place of the one we "got rid of".

When we don't have God as our poison control, the dandelion root takes over our lives. We let anger, non forgiveness, hard feelings fester in our hearts. All that nastiness turns to bitterness and bitterness turns to more anger and so on. Poison. And it effects SO many people. It spreads like disease.

We as humans are so ill equipped to deal with the poisons of this earth, if we depend on ourselves we will fail. In all we do. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but our lives will not be all they can be. Our relationships will suffer, our outlook will suffer, our happiness will suffer. With God all things are possible. With God not everything is happy and wonderful all the time, but those hard times make us better people, struggles build our endurance and our walk with Him, and with Him to turn to those stormy times seem easier. Being able to give it to Him is such a comfort, such relief. When we depend on HIM and not ourselves, we will succeed.

So can we HONESTLY forgive and still let go? Absolutely. Thank you, God for that freedom.

Bring the Rain

2010-05-07T00:05:00.001-07:00

Much needed retreat

2010-05-04T15:59:00.000-07:00

It's crazy to think that after last years drama and trials, I was able to remain strong and unmoved, my faith was strong, my drive was strong, I was the epitomy of a God fearing woman who knew what God had in store for this family...that this year I am lost. I have been in a dark place for months. Haven't wanted to do much, don't want to get out of bed, don't want to take care of my family and home, don't want to pray or be prayed for much less open my Bible and listen for God to talk to me. It's been horrible. Draining on not only myself, but my husband, my babies, and everyone else around me.

After all God did for us last year, all the miracles He performed day after day, His presence through it all was so apparent to us; we never felt Him leave our side, you'd think my faith could never falter. I don't know if that's really what has happened...my FAITH hasn't faltered, I have. I felt abandoned, dismissed, ignored. I was angry with myself. Was I angry with God? I don't think it went that far but I definitely was angry with Becky. I felt selfish. How could I possibly be anything but ecstatic with my life, with my blessings, with my answered prayer. I don't know...but I was unhappy. Unmotivated.

Mom insisted we go on our church's Women's Retreat. One more thing I was agreeing to without feeling any urge or desire what so ever. Which made me angry with Becky again. I could not hear God talking to me anymore. I could not feel his presence with me at ALL.

This last weekend I met and worshipped beside some of the most amazing, God fearing, loving and open women I've ever known in my life. I don't think I've ever cried so hard and so much as I did those three days. I know I've never been prayed over as much as I was. (not prayed FOR...prayed OVER.) I'm not sure anyone can understand what an opportunity a retreat is, to fellowship with sisters or brothers in Christ in a natural setting with no outside interruptions, unless you have been to one. It was life changing. Life altering. I am so blessed to have been talked into going, so fortunate for God's intervention in forcing me out of my house and out of my "comfort zone". I hadn't heard Him for so long. I hear Him again. Our speaker gave me so many enlightening things to think and pray about...she was inside my head the entire weekend, but she also gave me the "Ah-hah Moment" I needed to snap out of my funk. I know it will still take work, I know I'm not fixed overnight. But now I know that I have not been abandoned; on the contrary, God gave me 25 other women to support me through this next phase.

I am blessed indeed. Thank you, God.

Amanda stoking the fire....til she noticed the spider hanging off the end.

Gathering for worship.

Perhaps I shoulda worn make up...oh well. LOL
Our bunks.

Quickie!!!

2010-04-12T22:34:00.001-07:00

Swimming lessons have started (for us) again!!! The kids are UBER happy!

Allie's BFF Lauren goes with us. :)

Gracie between bobs!

Pics for my Peeps

2010-04-05T13:14:00.001-07:00

Time to update some pics on here. Been pointed out to me a few times now that I haven't blogged in like 5 months! Sorry!!!

We went to the beach one day over Spring Break. It was COLD. We had lunch, took a few pics and then left!! Long car ride for just an hour or so!

Mark and me at Kathy's bday party...not a bad shot! Notice my arm covering the girls! LOL

Isn't she pretty?
Sam got the ham bone after Easter dinner...he was a happy boy!
Easter dinner
The kids hunted for eggs inside this year since it was raining! lol

Gracie had to show off her loot to Malia. (Baby girl I babysit for a friend)

Not anymore....

2010-04-03T18:36:00.000-07:00

For years I have felt guilty for my growing apathy. Every few months a little bit more, every year the hope of change dwindling. After a discussion with my brilliant husband we looked up the word "apathy". In addition to the more recognizable definitions there was one that really rose up and screamed for me to take notice!

"Freedom from suffering"

I pray this same freedom for those I love. I thank God for this gift and for the release of guilt for having it all these years!

Sometimes, things are just better left as they are. Sometimes it's God's unanswered prayers that show you the way and strengthen your life, enrich your life, make everything come together in an unexpected way that is better than you ever thought possible. Sometimes it's the things that DON'T happen that take us in the direction He wants us to go.

Bagenski Christmas 2009

2009-12-28T14:13:00.000-08:00

If anyone has wondered, the annual Christmas letter is in the mail! I had a rough couple weeks before Christmas so they didn't get out until Saturday! DOH! Had kidney stone removal surgery the Friday before Christmas and spent a good 5 days in bed recovering from that. Was kind of a bummer to miss decorating and making cookies with the kids but better than the alternative; suffer THROUGH Christmas and miss it all. Was an easy choice. :)

We had a wonderful few days with family. Nice and relaxing and the kids had a blast. I think they got everything on their list as they have multiple people spoiling them!! LOL! Here's the pics from Christmas Eve and Day.

We went to Kathy and Stan's for Christmas Eve as we do every year. Gotta love tradition! :) We all enjoyed some snacks while waiting for everyone to arrive.
She's a present....

Hunky Cousin Matt! Can't believe how old the boys are now. Can't even call them "boys" now! They are MEN!
Waiting EVER so patiently to get it going!! LOL
Grandpa Stan telling the kids about how important the Bible is and how all our questions are answered within it.

They were listening very intently. Good babies.

Santa Matt passing out the loot!

Allison woke the entire family up at 5am to open gifts! OY that was early!!! Mark was not impressed.
This look says I'm tired but excited!
Santa had to leave the stockings on the hearth cuz they were too heavy!

Nooooo!We are READY to open!

Allie got some Sims expansion from Santa.
Santa brought Luke an Easy Bake oven! He's wanted one for years! Smart kid: now he gets to make his own dessert AND he doesn't have to share cuz it was a present from Santa! LOL!
Gracie finally got her OWN DS. She is a happy girl!

New cap guns!!! He wants to be a soldier. Ugh!
2 months to buy, 4 hours to wrap, 7.6 minutes to destroy the living room.
Stocking madness!!
After annialating the gifts it was BACK TO BED!! Luke chose the couch.
So did Grace.
Christmas morning getting ready to open gifts with Nana and Papa.
Luke's first 'chapter book' from Great Grandma! He was excited!
Woohoo! Walkie Talkies!!
Allie's "speakers" from Great Grandma ended up being a sweet little teddy bear with lipgloss!
Mom and Dad made us all brunch. It was YUMMY!
That was pretty much it!!! Like I said, totally relaxing and enjoyable!! Hope it was fantastic for all of you too!

2nd camera picture update!

2009-12-09T14:23:00.001-08:00

Got my other camera charged up and have some more pics! I keep this camera in my room most of the time! :)

Luke came running in my room and said "Look Mom! I'm Naked Vader!!!" LMAO!!! I love that kid!

My big boy Samson. I think I'm in trouble...I already am so in love with him!

Look at that face!!! Seriously...how can I deny him ANYTHING???
H1N1 boy. :(

Sunset off our back deck.
Best buds! Good thing Casey is so laid back...she's let Samson pretty much take over all her stuff!
Three sick babies. Girls have H1N1 and Luke is plain exhausted from the lingering cough. Look at poor Allie's cheeks! Man I hate it when they are sick. :(
The Bagenski pharmacy.

Picture update!

2009-12-09T11:37:00.000-08:00

I don't understand why blogspot upload the pictures backwards...they always put the first ones I upload at the bottom, and I always start with my oldest pictures. So if you'd like to start at the bottom they will be in order! LOL

Silly Grace at the Springfield Christmas Parade waiting patiently and showing Grandma her two lost teeth!

Allison atop a bouncy slide at Joey's bday party in November. The kids had a BLAST! And it was awesome exercise! lol I want one!

It was hard to climb up!
My two sick girls. Day five of fevers. Stupid H1N1...SOOOO tired of it!
"Mom, Samson is snuggling with me! He loves me!" Boy does he!
Freshly ripped out tooth! :D I'm so mean!
And Luke! Both on the same night LOL
This is her "Mom are you REALLY taking more pictures?" look....Miss Sassy Pants.
Samson's getting bigger! LOL Allie's face says it all!
Samson and Casey love each other immensely!!! So cute!
Older pic of Luke when only one tooth was out. Snaggletooth Bagenski!
Allie, Lauren and Mrs. Yost at the girl's recital a couple weeks ago at UofO. They did great!

Happy Birthday?

2009-11-25T20:40:00.000-08:00

It's funny cuz the older I get the less I care about my birthday. A celebration of getting OLD? Wrinkles, a flat but, grey hair (well, not me thanks to my Grandma's awesome genes!)...seriously I have no interest in partying. But I spent the day with a sick boy, and a sick self! I don't want to celebrate, but I sure would like to feel well enough to be a brat about it! Ugh.

Luke has been sick for three days now. We thought he was on the road to recovery after an entire day today of no fevers, but alas he spiked again around 6pm. Guess it's a good thing after all that Mark canceled Thanksgiving plans. What??? NO TURKEY???? hehe. Nah, Mom has been thawing one out all week so it has to be cooked...we will have turkey, it just won't be served in a big family get together. Mark said something about 'not worrying' about my birthday...we'd have a party at some point. My response? I'd be perfectly happy not mentioning it again! :D He said I was being selfish. LOL!!! I had to laugh at that one. "You don't want people making a big deal out of your birthday, bringing you presents and making a cake? How selfish!" I said to him! He just looked at me as a slow smile crept up on his face. "Sounds kinda silly saying it back doesn't it?" I asked.

Anyhoo...that's that. Another year older. Whoopdeedoo.

Hope you all have a happy turkey day! Have some stuffing and cranberry sauce for me!! Those are my favorite! Guess it's DEFINITELY turkey for Christmas!!!

Gobble Gobble!

12 short years

2009-11-16T09:46:00.000-08:00

Seriously. SHORT years. It does not feel like I've been married 12 years! Heck, it doesn't feel like I'm OLD enough to have been married for 12 years!

Yes, yesterday Mark and I celebrated our 12 year wedding anniversary. We have had some rough times, happy times, trying times, and 'in our rut' times. This year we have so much to celebrate, so much to be thankful for. I think this year, sitting at dinner, we had more to talk about than ever before. It seems that normally our conversation will just naturally go to the kids; their behavior, their school, their friends. This time, that didn't happen! We talked about our friendship, our life together, our first apartment and first house...we are better friends now than any year prior to this one. God has been so good to us in our marriage, but most definitely this last year. We have grown so much as individuals and as a couple. We have faced the storm together and beaten it back. I have never felt so close to my Beloved as I do right now.

We went to dinner at The Outback and enjoyed steak and seafood, a couple of drinks, and most importantly a couple hours just the two of us.

I love this man so much. Words can never express. He is an amazing person, an amazing provider, an amazing father and the best friend I could ever ask for. He is my Beloved. My Confidante. My Love. My Husband. I am so proud to be called his wife.

I love you, Mark. Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow and forever.

My yummy drink...a wildberry margarita! Yumm!!!

Some more pics then I'm caught up!

2009-11-13T11:20:00.000-08:00

OK...so these are all TOTALLY random! I got myself so behind on sharing pics that I'm just guessing here what y'all haven't seen!

These are my rat babies. Oh scratch that...Allie's and my rat babies! Hers is Oreo the black and white one, and mine is Milly the albino. YES she has red eyes!! I love her!
So I got a bug to start moving around furniture. My treadmill (unused treadmill that is for sale btw) ended up in Mark's room! LOL
I'm getting busy on my beach theme for the family room. Almost all of our family pictures down here are on the beach. I absolutely LOVE this wall!!!
These should all look familiar as I'm sure I posted them here. The top one is my fave...the three kids walking away from me toward the water. Loooove it!!! Bottom right hand corner is actually my nephew, Ryan. It just fit so perfectly I had to blow it up!
Ok, so I moved this HUGE bookshelf completely by myself. UP 14 stairs mind you! Oh ya...I am WOMAN! So now it's right outside my bedroom door. Love it there!
And this is where it WAS...Now the kids stay off my elliptical as it's out of the walking path. I was going through so many batteries cuz they'd get on it just long enough to turn it on then walk away. Dang kids.
This is what it looked like before the move. I thought to take a picture about halfway through emptying it. lol
This cracked me up. Look at his cute little tongue!!! He was OUT!
Grace got play make up for her bday. (thanks a LOT Nana....)
Luke as the killer in Scream. (I know...don't say it!)
Grace as Dorothy! Isn't she sweet? Oh ya, and I won worst mom of the year by not getting a picture of Allie in her aqua fairy costume. I suck. I know this.
My beautiful girl passed out!
Gracie with Darth Vader at the Home show!!! The whole cast was there! Luke was bummed he didn't go!
My sister-friend Kimberly's daughter Kira. Isn't she beautiful??
Patches got mauled by two hound dogs last month. He's super lucky to be alive. The next few pics were taken for court reasons (that mom and dad do NOT have to do thank God). Poor lil guy. He's tough tho!
These were gaping wounds. The vet ran a tube underneath them to drain the infection out. Dog bite = major bacteria. Not good.
His poor belly. You can see all the bruising too...all the reddish and purplish areas...well, his whole BACK was a bruise. They literally tore his hide from the muscle along his entire back.
Our awesome neighbors Hal and Kathy gave the kids this pinball machine!!! It's a Pirates of the Caribbean mini machine. Oh my goodness they love it!! SO much fun!!!
They ALSO gave us this piano! Yes...the KIDS like it too! LOL!!
Ok...I'm all caught up now. At least close enough. So the next pics will be new ones!

Choice pics from the last month or so.

2009-11-06T12:59:00.000-08:00

Let's do a little catch up. I have more than this, but I'll go slowly!! LOL Don't wanna bog down those of you that are still on dial up!

First, there is a new member to our family. Meet Samson! Isn't he a beauty? He's so smart and sweet and the kids love him...well, except Grace when he wants to eat her toes!

This is a little girl I watched for a friend a couple weeks ago. I thought she was playing in Grace's room but when I went to check on Samson there was Malia snuggled up to him! SSSOOOO cute!

My newest passion is my rats. (technically only ONE is mine and the other is Allie's). This is their condo! I'm jealous.
We did pumpkins this Halloween with a couple of extra kidlets! My girlfriend, Samantha, was moving so I had her girls for a few days. This is Sienna and her masterpiece. I think she was annoyed that Mark kept saying, "Sienna, Sienna, Sienna look over here!" LOL She was BUSY!
The kids all drew what they wanted and Mark carved them.
Haha except me...I got to play in pumpkin guts! Such an attractive shot isn't it??

Allie and Sadirah

Grace got play doh from Auntie Robin AND from us this year for her bday. I was quickly reminded why I HATE play doh....
uh huh...REALLY reminded.
Gracie blowing out her candles. She's FIVE!!!

Luke at his pumpkin patch field trip.
It was wet.
and very miserable.
Luke 1st grade school pic.
Allison 5th grade school pic.
That's all for today! More tomorrow or the next day!

Get over it Becky

2009-11-05T18:04:00.000-08:00

I'm pathetic. I know this. I swear I'm never satisfied! I wonder if that's a family thing, a woman thing, a redhead thing...maybe all of the above??? I don't know but I what I DO know is it's time to get over this stupid BLOG BLOCK I have going on. I've considered trying to just make a new one but that seems silly since all of our faithful friends and family visit this site so often. (Thank you by the way for being by our sides through all of this!)

So I'm gonna make an effort to come on here at least once a week again to update you all with pictures and the comings and goings in our lives! It's so fun now, so positive and blessed! I would think it will be WAY more fun to read!!

So ya. Less time on face book. More time on blogging for my family in the four corners of these states! I love you all and will post some new pics from the last few weeks tomorrow! Until then, goodnight and we love you!

It's funny...

2009-10-21T12:21:00.000-07:00

...when the clearest understanding about your life and where you are in it comes from the least expected place.

As we come upon the last two weeks of Mark's time off I've come to realize how gut wrenching it will be for me to no longer have him here. I am constantly on the verge of tears. I am constantly hurting in some part of my head either from grinding, squinting or misfiring and it's been pointed out that I am most likely doing this to myself in misguided attempts to remain strong. I have TMJ with constant (oh and I DO mean CONSTANT) headaches and jaw pain. I have muscle aches in my entire body. I am constantly tired and searching for the will to get out of bed. Most recently I've been diagnosed with Labrinthitis which among other things can be caused by anxiety/depression/stress. WHAT? I don't have any of those! Riiiiight.

The fact is, although I am unbelievably happy, thrilled, thankful, humbled by the fact that Mark has done so well and is able to return to work in full health "ahead of schedule" as the doctor put it; still a part of me is inconsolably sad. I want to wail. I want to lay down and sob. But I am the strong one. I am the one who doesn't cry. I am the one who puts on a brave face, answers the millions of questions thrown at me by family, friends, co-workers. This is my job. This is my RIGHT. This is what keeps me going and helps me.

But that job is over.

And where does that leave me?

Alone in a house with three kids right back to "normalcy". Ya right.

I love having my Beloved at home. He is fun and funny and he helps me with the little things. He plays with his kids. He does laundry and dishes! He sits and talks to me about mundane crap. We play games together. He goes to the store with me. He is my confidante, my friend, my rock. He is my 24/7 ear, or hug, or smack if I need it. What will I do without him here?

And if I don't allow myself to go there...what will be the next physical issue I cause to myself?

I can't lay down and cry it out. There aren't enough tears in the world to express my grief at losing this time. I do need prayer though. This is the place I go to for that.

I feel like such a baby. I feel like I'm throwing all of God's blessings right back in his face. He answered EVERY SINGLE PRAYER we cried out to Him. And here I am basically upset that He did. So very selfish. I want it all. So very, very selfish.

I thank the Lord everyday for healing Mark. For making the battle relatively easy (comparatively speaking). I KNOW how lucky we are. I KNOW how fast it was resolved. I KNOW that we have been blessed beyond compare in our relationship, in our loved ones, in our growth of our Faith. I KNOW these things in my head and yet still I weep for what I'm about to lose. I dread spending 10-12 hour days without him, I bristle at the thought of him driving for two hours every day, I cringe at the thought of him being tired on his days off and unable or unwilling to spend the quality time with us as he has been because he simply doesn't have the energy. I even am not looking forward to not stressing about money anymore because seriously...we've made it work! (ok...that's pushing it a little.)

I don't know the answer. I don't know how to get over this nonsense and just move forward. My body is suffering. My emotions have taken their toll on my physical being and I don't know how to stop.

I pray for guidance. I ask for your prayers for my guidance as well.

Thank you to the sweet Angel who opened my eyes to this. Yes, this is where we become inseparable. This is where there is no more darkness and light in the horizon. Thank you.

A day on a hill! :)

2009-10-13T08:15:00.000-07:00

So last week Kathy invited us to go on a walk at Mt. Pisgah. We took the kids and our friends The Pelroys and had a fantastic time! Next time however, I will NOT be wearing crocs! Note to self: always wear tennies on a hike! Duh!

I'll start with some amazing nature shots. I don't think a bad picture COULD be taken at this place! So beautiful!

This has to be THE coolest tree I've ever seen. You could literally see right through it and still it grows and thrives! How can people see things like this and NOT believe in God?

Little Jack Jack all packed up and ready to go! Isn't he freaking ADORABLE? Oh I just wanna eat him up!
One of the few pics you'll see of Allie...she was not interested in letting me take pictures of her AT ALL. Stinker.
Lady killer. Am I biased or is the the most handsome boy ever? Nope...not biased.

Luke was all about me taking his picture (and of course therefore so was Grace!) He was finding the coolest places to pose and then was like "MOM, take my picture here!" Love that boy!
My beauty.
The whole clan!

Picture op!
The Pelroys! Jessica, Ryan, Martin and Wyatt (Jack Jack to his Aunt Becky)
Poison Oak! Noooo touchy!
Mark saying "That's poison oak...noooo touchy."
Luke thought this log carved out to be a bench looked like a coffin. He was the vampire sleeping in it.
And Gracie just peered sweetly from the other side LOL
Education time!

"Ooo, Martin...turn this way that's a cool shot!" I was right!
I finally got a pic of Ryan...he was distracted by the kids throwing rocks long enough for me to get it!

Right after this, Grace lost her shoe and Jessica hopped in the river to save it! Such a good auntie!
Sister friends! (ugh...time to start working out!)
Ryan!

Reading up on something...always the scholor.
Gracie was trying to climb this tree...not easy in crocs.

This pile smelled like Mark used to when he worked for Weyerhauser. Allie and I were in heaven!

My Beloved and me
Luke was tired and decided to take a break to meditate....
But Ryan had other ideas...get up!
"MOMMY I CAUGHT A LADYBUG!!!"

Some of the trees out there are so amazing. They grow sideways! This one was at a perfect height for swinging like a monkey!

Ryan wanted to until Mama got him closer...then he changed his mind!
Uh...you want me to go where now?

Luke was SO done. LOL
Allie and Mark got a bit ahead. I was going slow for Ryan's sake. No, really!

Mark, Kathy, Allie and Luke decided to try to get to the top...Gracie and I decided, um, not to.
Ryan and Grace were done...
...about 15 feet from the car! LOL
A wonderful walk! We will definitely be going back!

Luke is SEVEN!

2009-09-28T10:21:00.000-07:00

Hard to imagine, hard to believe that my baby boy turned 7 yesterday! Has it really been SEVEN years since I held him as a newborn? SEVEN years since his ruddy complexion caused worry to appear on his doctors face? SEVEN years since we spent an extra week in the hospital with him in constant worry about his Bili Reuben numbers and praying every second for it to go up, up, UP already!? SEVEN years since I opened a jaundice google page and realized that he could have brain damage or death? *shudders*

Today he is a healthy, thriving, rambunctious SEVEN year old that grabs hold of the hearts of everyone he meets. He is compassionate and kind, sincere and forgiving, tender and loving. This little boy is literally THE sweetest boy I have ever known in my life, and the fact that God gave him to ME to care for completely humbles me.

Luke at one day old...see how red he is?
He was under lights for his jaundice for a week. That week SUCKED!
But he was soon a healthy peach color and cute as a bug!
And yesterday he turned 7...unbelievable!
The cake (that I totally stole from my gf, Missy btw!! Thanks for the awesome idea, Girl!) was the easiest Mom said she's ever made! It was a surprise so to keep him from peeking we made him close his eyes!
He liked it! "CANDY!!!!"
My babies
Gracie played "Present Fairy"...started out as "Garbage Fairy" but she got tired of that really fast!
Grace gave Luke her OWN present. Three beanie babies and an extra little bunny. She was so excited to wrap it herself and give it to him! It was the first present in the present pile, AND the first one opened! :)
He liked it! :)
Oh yes...my boy LOVES guns. Oh my. He wants to be a soldier when he grows up!

*Mama throws up a little....*
Typical big sister behavior.
Reading his card aloud to all the party guests!! They were impressed!
The FABULOUS cake!!
So Handsome...and SO OLD! :(
Best friends
Supervising Daddy to make sure he does it right.
"I have to make a wish before I blow them out, Mom!"
He was too quick for me...missed the blowing! LOL

That's it for this year! It's going too fast! TOO FAST! Next thing I know he'll be driving and thinking that blonde down the street is prettier than me! AAAHHHHH!!!!

Yachats 9-19-09

2009-09-20T15:41:00.000-07:00

We had a spontaneous trip to the Oregon coast this weekend. Mark's SBB called and asked us if we wanted to zip over for a car show. They had a room and were staying all weekend and we decided to go on over then stay the night with Mark's mom in Florence. I gotta say...spontaneity must agree with us because we had one of THE BEST weekends we've ever had over there! It was relaxed, beautiful and SO FUN! The kids had a blast, Mark and Leroy spent some quality boy time and Missy and I were able to just chill with a couple bottles of wine, chat and just BE! It was wonderful!

I'll start off the pics with ones taken with my cell phone as the quality isn't as good! :)

The kids got busy right away playing in the sand.

My babies!
Self portrait

Huh?
The kids helped Grandma set the table for dinner this morning :)
Onto the camera pics. It was THE perfect day. Seriously! Not a cloud in the sky, 70 degrees, no wind...PERFECT! This is the view from their room's balcony. Ya.
The cars...technically this was the reason we were there so I thought I should get a shot or two of them. meh.

Gracie looks interested!
Ok...now for the fun! THE BEACH!
My babies and me!
My girlfriend Missy and me!
Cool rocks huh?? LOVE IT!
Missy and Leroy's daughter, Nicole. She is a beautiful young lady inside and out.
Nicole and her girlfriend Raelynn. Cool log huh??
The gang!

GORGEOUS!

Shoes!

Ok, ya. SUCH a framer!

He was so HAPPY!
Shadow!

Allie and Tyler. They got SO wet! LOL
The waves were incredible!
I wrote all the kids names in the sand and Gracie wanted to write hers too. She did a pretty good job!
Sitting waiting for the next wave.
I could have taken pics of Grace all day. She was just so cute!
They were SOPPING! The walk back to the motel was a bit uncomfortable! LOL

These two girls could easily be sisters! Grace absolutely adores Nicole and talks about her all the time, so I had to get a pic of just the two of them! Beautiful!
Missy and Nicole...can we say "mini-me"? hehe
The lighting was perfect for some head shots!

Plumber butt! I'm sure this is not the first nor the last pic you'll see like this! LOL! She is her father's daughter!
Birds!

Couldn't have captured this any better

Gracie LOVES her Aunt Missy!!!
Beautiful windblown girl! This was Aunt Missy's idea...it's such a framer!
Huge flock of seagulls!

So ya...literally the best weekend! Thank you Mary's for inviting us! We are looking forward to next year already!!! Love you guys!

School Days Fall 2009

2009-09-16T19:27:00.001-07:00

Ok, so I'm about a week late, but here are a few shots of the first day of school!

This year Allison is in her final year of elementary school. She is so excited and so proud to be the oldest in her school and is already having a great time! She has an amazing teacher and even gets to be in the same class with her bff Lauren this year which makes them both very happy!!
Luke is in first grade and only has three other classmates from his kindergarten class with him this year! He's making new friends easily and quickly though as to be expected. Everyone loves Luke...he's is just SO friendly and kind you can help but migrate to him. He also gets to go ALL day which makes him feel very grown up and more like his big sister! They both had a great first week and I have high hopes for the rest of the year!

I'm seeing more sunrises now...don't know why I haven't seen them in years past! Maybe I AM getting up earlier! LOL
My three babies getting ready for their second day of school. I am such a loser I missed the picture taking on the first day! But shhhh we won't tell them when they grow up!
I take the picture in the same place every year so we can look back and see how they grow and change...which is A LOT!
This is last year, Luke's first day of kindergarten.
And Allie last year. Wow...what one year can do. Check out where their heads hit the pictures behind them compared to this year!!! MAN they are big!
I'm gonna go hug my babies and cry now....

Seattle!

2009-09-14T11:48:00.001-07:00

I realized that I hadn't posted any pics or story from my wonderful trip to Seattle so here it is!

BUT, first and foremost I want to give a GINORMOUS shout out to my Sister Friend Kimberly and her awesome hubby Tim who took our lab Casey when our whole cancer thing started back in March. They kept her, took care of her, gave her "good dog" lessons and brought her back home last week. She has improved SO much in health and attitude and we could not be more grateful! Not to mention what a huge stress relief it was for us while we were worried about Mark's health. Thank you guys SOSOSOSO much!

So our trip to Seattle was made by train. My first time on a train and I must say that I was pretty excited! It left at 5:30 AM (oy) and this is a shot of the first sunrise I've seen in I don't know HOW many years!!! So pretty!
How do we spend a 6 hour train ride? Watching movies on Daddy's laptop and eating snacks OF COURSE! Luckily we scored a table seat on both the way up and the way back. So much more comfy for spreading out!
4am came a bit early...this was about 830 LOL
The cell phone, although great for spur of the moment pics, didn't capture this quite like I'd hoped. It was gorgeous. The sun beams were just streaming through the clouds...it was spiritual.
YAY!!! We made it and were SO glad to be with my Sister Friend Becca!
James actually LIKED me this time!! I was a happy girl!
Gracie playing outside with Pepper the wonder dog!
Here's our first day in the new house (if you don't recall, I went up there to help them move.) What do we do to pass time in a new house? Watch movies on Daddy's laptop of course!!!
The wonderful moving men brought out the yard toys first!! Check out the FENCED yard! So nice!
More toys! Seeing a house packed up and moved by a company was a new experience for me. I thought I would like it, but the loss of control would have me pulling my hair out!! I'm a hands on kinda girl! All the extra work is worth it to know which box my hair dryer is packed in!
The girls with a much deserved dish of ice cream our first night in the new house! It is beautiful and so homey for my sister and her family!
Gracie got SO tired with all the commotion, new place, short nights and full days...she crashed within 5 minutes of laying down every single night! This particular night she totally hogged the couch though and I ended up on the floor! LOL
When we left my sweet Gracie girl was quite upset. She cried for about 20 minutes because she did NOT want to go home! Finally I got smart and had her call her big brother. 2 minutes on the phone with him and she was ok about leaving...she missed him SO much!
We had SUCH a great time! Even though it was work (a LOT of work) it was so great to spend some quality, uninterrupted time with my sister and get to know her hubby Don. (love him!) I can't wait to see them again soon...no reason we can't since they are so close and we know we like the train ride up!!!

LOVED this!

2009-09-09T12:43:00.001-07:00

I want to share this story with you....

The man slowly looked up. This was a woman clearly accustomed to the finer things of life. Her coat was new. She looked like she had never missed a meal in her life. His first thought was that she wanted to make fun of him, like so many others had done before.

"Leave me alone," he growled.... To his amazement, the woman continued standing. She was smiling -- her even white teeth displayed in dazzling rows.

"Are you hungry?" she asked.
"No," he answered sarcastically. "I've just come from dining with the president.. Now go away."

The woman's smile became even broader.

Suddenly the man felt a gentle hand under his arm. "What are you doing, lady?" the man asked angrily. "I said to leave me alone.

Just then a policeman came up. "Is there any problem, ma'am?" he asked..

"No problem here, officer," the woman answered. "I'm just trying to get this man to his feet. Will you help me?"

The officer scratched his head. "That's old Jack. He's been a fixture around here for a couple of years. What do you want with him?"

"See that cafeteria over there?" she asked. "I'm going to get him something to eat and get him out of the cold for awhile."

"Are you crazy, lady?" the homeless man resisted. "I don't want to go in there!" Then he felt strong hands grab his other arm and lift him up.

"Let me go, officer. I didn't d o anything.."

"This is a good deal for you, Jack," the officer answered. "Don't blow it."

Finally, and with some difficulty, the woman and the police officer got Jack into the cafeteria and sat him at a table in a remote corner. It was the middle of the morning, so most of the breakfast crowd had already left and the lunch bunch had not yet arrived.

The manager strode across the cafeteria and stood by his table. "What's going on here, officer?" he asked."What is all this, is this man in trouble?"

"This lady brought this man in here to be fed," the policeman answered.

"Not in here!" the manager replied angrily. "Having a person like that here is bad for business."

Old Jack smiled a toothless grin. "See, lady. I told you so. Now if you'll let me go. I didn't want to come here in the first place."

The woman turned to the cafeteria manager and smiled. "Sir, are you familiar with Eddy and Associates, the banking firm down the street?"

"Of course I am," the manager answered impatiently. "They hold their weekly meetings in one of my banquet rooms."

"And do you make a goodly amount of money providing food at these weekly meetings?"

"What business is that of yours?"

I, sir, am Penelope Eddy, president and CEO of the company."

"Oh.."

The woman smiled again.. "I thought that might make a difference."

She glanced at the cop who was busy stifling a laugh. "Would you like to join us in a cup of coffee and a meal, officer?"

"No thanks, ma'am," the officer replied. "I'm on duty."

"Then, perhaps, a cup of coffee to go?"

"Yes, ma'am.. That would be very nice."

The cafeteria manager turned on his heel.. "I'll get your coffee for you right away, officer."

The officer watched him walk away... "You certainly put him in his place," he said.

"That was not my intent... Believe it or not, I have a reason for all this."

She sat down at the table across from her amazed dinner guest . She stared at him intently.

"Jack, do you remember me?"

Old Jack searched her face with his old, rheumy eyes. "I think so -- I mean you do look familiar."

"I'm a little older perhaps," she said. "Maybe I've even filled out more than in my younger days when you worked here, and I came through that very door, cold and hungry."

"Ma'am?" the officer said questioningly. He couldn't believe that such a magnificently turned out woman could ever have been hungry.

"I was just out of college," the woman began. "I had come to the city looking for a job, but I couldn't find anything. Finally I was down to my last few cents and had been kicked out of my apartment... I walked the streets for days. It was February and I was cold and nearly starving. I
saw this place and walked in on the off chance that I could get something to eat."

Jack lit up with a smile. "Now I remember," he said. "I was behind the serving counter. You came up and asked me if you could work for something to eat. I said that it was against company policy."

"I know," the woman continued. "Then you made me the biggest roast beef sandwich that I had ever seen, gave me a cup of coffee, and told me to go over to a corner table and enjoy it. I was afraid that you would get into trouble. Then, when I looked over and saw you put the price of my
food in the cash register, I knew then that everything would be all right..."

"So you started your own business?" Old Jack said.

"I got a job that very afternoon. I worked my way up. Eventually I started my own business that, with the help of God, prospered.." She opened her purse and pulled out a business card. "When you are finished here, I want you to pay a visit to a Mr. Lyons. He's the personnel director of my company. I'll go talk to him now and I'm certain he'll
find something for you to do around the office."

She smiled. "I think he might even find the funds to give you a little advance so that you can buy some clothes and get a place to live until you get on your feet. If you ever need anything, my door is always open to you."

There were tears in the old man's eyes. "How can I ever thank you?" he asked.

"Don't thank me," the woman answered. "To God goes the glory. He led me to you."

Outside the cafeteria, the officer and the woman paused at the entrance before going their separate ways.. "Thank you for your help officer," she said.

"On the contrary, Ms. Eddy," he answered. "Thank you. I saw a miracle today, something that I will never forget, And thank you for the coffee."

Have a Wonderful Day. May God Bless You always and don't forget that when you "cast your bread upon the waters," you never know how it will be returned to you. God is so big He can cover the whole world with his
Love and so small He can curl up inside your heart.

When God leads you to the edge of the cliff, trust Him fully and let go.

Only 1 of 2 things will happen, either He'll catch you when you fall, or He'll teach you how to fly!

The power of one sentence! God is going to shift things around for you today and let things work in your favor.

God closes doors no man can open & God opens doors no man can close..

So excited!!!

2009-09-01T03:19:00.000-07:00

Ok, so it's 3:19am. This is pretty good considering I've been awake since 2! Ok, actually that's not entirely true. Went to sleep at 10:30ish, then woke up at 11:17, again at 12:28, again at 1:22, again at 1:57, then dosed til 2:06...finally just got up. Why you may ask? I'm like a kid right now! I am SO excited I feel like I'm on my way to Disneyland or something!

A few weeks ago my BFF (aka: SisterFriend) Becca found out that the Navy moved their move date up a week. Her hubby Don had already taken the week off to move several months in advance as the military isn't a 'fly by it's seat of it's pants' type of vacation planner. Of course the change in plans meant that Bec would be moving alone. In chatting about it I made a joke about it being too bad I couldn't come up to help! She totally called me on it and said "If you are serious I will TOTALLY put you on a train or pay for your gas to get up here!" Next thing I knew, Gracie and I had train tickets to Seattle September 1st! THAT'S TODAY!!!!!! I cannot WAIT to see my sister!! Gracie cannot wait to see her Aunt Becca and her "best friend Paige"! We are going to have a fabulous time!

We head out today at 5:30am and get there around noon, then are coming back Sunday evening. This will be Gracie AND my first trip on a train! It's ever so exciting!!! I will sure to take lots of pics of our week and post them when we get back!

Oh, and we'll be moving and whatever too but you know how that goes...with two women, a little wine and some awesome conversation NOTHING feels like work!!

Shoot a little prayer our way for a safe trip up and back if you wouldn't mind! This will be the longest My Beloved and I have been apart SINCE WE MET! Isn't that amazing? I will miss him and the two babies tremendously, but this is a much needed mini vacation and I'm so thankful to my sister for making it possible!! LOVE YOU BECCA!!!!

God is QUICK!

2009-08-30T12:28:00.000-07:00

And then...minutes after I finished my last post, I hear this song. Sometimes God just SCREAMS at me! Good thing I've started listening again. Enjoy.

One of those days.

2009-08-30T11:26:00.000-07:00

Do you ever have "just one of those days" when you don't know if you are PMS'ing, going crazy or just being shown by God with full force how lucky and blessed you are? I mean, some days it is just SO APPARENT and all I want to do is fall to my knees weeping and thank God! I suppose today is one of those days. I'm super emotional today, both good and bad. Waking up groggy from a great dream I didn't want to lose, irritated with Mark cuz he wasn't feeling well enough to go to chruch (I know, I know!), crying in church because it was such an AMAZING message, getting ticked at Mom for something dumb, getting excited about a new project and crying while talking about how cool it could be, crying at the internet, yelling at the kids to STAY OUTSIDE...I mean seriously, how many ups and downs can one woman have in a two hour period?

Have you ever met someone and felt a kinship almost immediately? That's happened three times to me in my life. First with my niece, Abbey. Since the day she was born she and I have had this connection. I can't explain it other than it was God given. I love that child and even though she lives literally across the country, I know that we will always have that bond. The second was with a woman I have yet to meet face to face although we have had more deep conversations than I've had with any other one person this year (except Mom and Mark of course). She was with me through the cancer, I was there for her with the death of her beloved grandmother. There is something about her that I am just drawn to. I know that she will be a lifetime friend. We are so much alike on so many levels; same thought process, same faith, same family dedication...she's amazing and I am privileged to call her friend. The third is a woman I barely know. Yet everytime I am around her I think to myself "Oh, I want to be her friend!" She is absolutely beautiful, inside and out, and everything about her oozes goodness. She's quick with a smile and a hug, she's helpful and mindful, her faith is humbling and motivating. She makes me want to get involved and be a stronger Christian, and better person.

I decided a couple of years ago that this life is a short one. I want to surround myself with people that enrich me, challenge me, make me strive for better and never give up on what's really important...to keep a strong hold on what's important and let go of all the fluff. So far I think I've done a good job at weeding out the negativity in my life. Hopefully I've done that without stepping on too many toes and without hurting anyone unnecessarily. It's been a rough road for me in my 30's. I'm just figuring out who I am. I want to be better. I want to be an example for others, I want to be a vessel for God's word and God's work. I want to be everything He made me to be. I can't do it on my own. Letting go of "the world revolves around Becky" has been a huge struggle for me. Getting married helped, having kids was an enormous shift changing experience, but these last two years have been the most life changing ones I've had yet. I feel so much stronger now, so much healthier, I'm happy to be me, happy to be here, happy to just BE.

Ugh...it is definitely "one of those days" for me. I think I need more coffee....

Baby's First Doctor Visit

2009-08-23T19:15:00.000-07:00

Baby's First Doctor Visit
This made me laugh out loud. I hope it will give you a smile!

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.
The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, saw it was a little low, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
'Breast-fed,' she replied.
'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered. She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk.'
'I know,' she said, I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came'

End of this road, beginning of the next.

2009-08-21T13:38:00.000-07:00

This year has been hard, eventful, fast, full of lessons, full of growth, amazing and devastating. Mark and I have learned so much about each other, our family, our faith, our passions and what's really important at the end of the day. We needed this year. We needed all the pain and worry, all the time we spent together both conscious and not, the eye opening experience of cancer. We are different people than we were last year at this time. We are better friends, better parents, better partners. We are each other's best friend, confidante and love and never before has that been more apparent than it is today. I don't know that we would have ever figured out how important we are to each other without the hardships and blessings we faced this year.

Yesterday marked the end of cancer for Mark. Yes, there is a 65% chance that it "could come back" over the next 5 years, and then there's more statistics that will be thrown in our face time and time again. But WE know, as we know that we have received more blessings than battles this last year, that it is over. We received final word from Dr. Caton yesterday afternoon that Mark's bone marrow test came back completely cancer free. He is in complete remission.

We also found out last Friday Allvac ATI will be keeping him on. Apparently there are many people that went to bat for his return. When he called to see what needed to be done to explain his situation to the powers that be, he was told it was done. No need to worry, no need to stress, his job is secure because there are people above him that care enough to take care of it. 'Don't worry about anything but getting better', was the response he got. Praise God. He will be returning to work on November 1, 2009 to his same job, with his same pay and benefits. We are humbled and so very grateful to everyone who took the time to make that possible. Thank you SO much!

As I watch my husband laugh again, watch him wrestle with our kids, mow the lawn, help me clean the house, smile at me from across the room with a rosy healthy glow in his cheeks I can't help but tear up. It was six months ago that, I can admit now, I almost lost him. I look back and I can say I was within days of losing him. I knew it then, but couldn't go there. I know it now and can just praise God that He let me keep Mark. There is so much I have left to learn from him, and he from me. There is so much for him left to do here. I know how blessed I am. I know how lucky I am.

I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for all your prayers, your cards, your calls, your thoughts. Thank you for caring enough about us to keep up with this blog. We are blessed to have you in our lives and we know that! God bless you all!

Interview with Rick Warren, 'Purpose Driven Life ' author

2009-08-21T13:37:00.000-07:00

You will enjoy the new insights that Rick Warren has, with his wife now having cancer and him having 'wealth' from the book sales. This is an absolutely incredible short interview with Rick Warren, 'Purpose Driven Life ' author and pastor of Saddleback Church in California.

In the interview by Paul Bradshaw with Rick Warren, Rick said:
People ask me, What is the purpose of life? And I respond: In a nutshell, life is preparation for eternity. We were not made to last forever, and God wants us to be with Him in Heaven.

One day my heart is going to stop, and that will be the end of my body-- but not the end of me. I may live 60 to 100 years on earth, but I am going to spend trillions of years in eternity. This is the warm-up act - the dress rehearsal. God wants us to practice on earth what we will do forever in eternity...

We were made by God and for God, and until you figure that out, life isn't going to make sense. Life is a series of problems: Either you are in one now, you're just coming out of one, or you're getting ready to go into another one. The reason for this is that God is more interested in your character than your comfort; God is more interested in making your life holy than He is in making your life happy.

We can be reasonably happy here on earth, but that's not the goal of life. The goal is to grow in character, in Christ likeness. This past year has been the greatest year of my life but also the toughest, with my wife, Kay, getting cancer. I used to think that life was hills and valleys - you go through a dark time, then you go to the mountaintop, back and forth. I don't believe that anymore.

Rather than life being hills and valleys, I believe that it's kind of like two rails on a railroad track, and at all times you have something good and something bad in your life. No matter how good things are in your life, there is always something bad that needs to be worked on. And no matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something good you can thank God for. You can focus on your purposes, or you can focus on your problems: If you focus on your problems, you're going into self-centeredness, which is my problem, my issues, my pain. But one of the easiest ways to get rid of pain is to get your focus off yourself and onto God and others.

We discovered quickly that in spite of the prayers of hundreds of thousands of people, God was not going to heal Kay or make it easy for her- It has been very difficult for her, and yet God has strengthened her character, given her a ministry of helping other people, given her a testimony, drawn her closer to Him and to people.

You have to learn to deal with both the good and the bad of life. Actually, sometimes learning to deal with the good is harder. For instance, this past year, all of a sudden, when the book sold 15 million copies, it made me instantly very wealthy. It also brought a lot of notoriety that I had never had to deal with before. I don't think God gives you money or notoriety for your own ego or for you to live a life of ease.

So I began to ask God what He wanted me to do with this money, notoriety and influence. He gave me two different passages that helped me decide what to do, II Corinthians 9 and Psalm 72.

First, in spite of all the money coming in, we would not change our lifestyle one bit. We made no major purchases.

Second, about midway through last year, I stopped taking a salary from the church.

Third, we set up foundations to fund an initiative we call The Peace Plan to plant churches, equip leaders, assist the poor, care for the sick, and educate the next generation.

Fourth, I added up all that the church had paid me in the 24 years since I started the church, and I gave it all back. It was liberating to be able to serve God for free.

We need to ask ourselves: Am I going to live for possessions? Popularity?
Am I going to be driven by pressures? Guilt? Bitterness? Materialism? Or am I going to be driven by God's purposes (for my life)?

When I get up in the morning, I sit on the side of my bed and say, God, if I don't get anything else done today, I want to know You more and love You better. God didn't put me on earth just to fulfill a to-do list. He's more interested in what I am than what I do. That's why we're called human beings, not human doings.

Happy moments, PRAISE GOD.
Difficult moments, SEEK GOD.
Quiet moments, WORSHIP GOD.
Painful moments, TRUST GOD.
Every moment, THANK GOD.

If you do not pass it on, nothing will happen. But it will just be nice to pass it on to a friend....just like I have done.

God's Blessings

HE ARRIVED THIS MORNING, WE HAD PRAYER; SPENT SOME TIME JUST TALKING, AND HE HELD ME FOR AWHILE BECAUSE I WAS HAVING A BAD MORNING. THEN, HE WAS ON HIS WAY TO YOUR PLACE.

Allie is TEN! wow.

2009-08-15T21:30:00.001-07:00

It truly is so hard for me to phathom that I have a TEN year old! Wasn't it just a few months ago that I myself was 10? I remember it well...10 was when I started to feel older, grown up, mature! And now my own baby is feeling that very same way as I type this.

She has grown into a beautiful young lady. She is quiet and honest, knows right from wrong, loves the Lord and her family. She's polite and courteous, kind and generous, shy but friendly. She's slow to emotion, but quick to empathy. Strong willed yet not afraid to ask questions when she doesn't understand. Sharp as a tack, quick as a whip, and so very funny in a dry sort of way! She is so much her mother's daughter but every bit Daddy's Little Girl. I am so very blessed that God has guided me through raising this extraordinary person and I only pray I can continue to help her be the best person she can be. She has amazing goals and I know she can do anything she sets her mind to. For those of you that know her well, I'm sure there are so many more adjectives you can all think of to add here, for those that don't I hope someday you will get the chance.

She's simply amazing.

Happy birthday, Baby Girl. I love you. My cup runneth over.

Scissor Happy

2009-08-10T13:55:00.001-07:00

So Mom has wanted to get her hair cut for literally YEARS now. She and Aunt Dee decided to take the plunge and did it together! Besides lack of split ends and frizziness Mom's doesn't look too much different, but she's planning on going shorter in the next few weeks. Baby steps. Aunt Dee's looks super cute but now she has to either blow dry or flat iron it and that bugs her. LOL!! Ah the price we pay to be women.

So the NEXT day, Sarah and I decided to get OUR hair chopped. I've had the same long, one length hair going on 15 years and it's long past time for a change. After looking through some books and looking at every person I passed to see if that was the cut I wanted, I decided on a dramatic change. Cut off about 15 inches (going to locks of love of course) and then the girl went to town with layering. I knew my hair had natural curl...but going short showed just how curly it is!!! Pretty cool. Sarah's is SO cute too!!! She had quite a bit cut off as well and she looks about 3 years older now! (everyone says my cut took 5-10 years OFF of me! yay!)

So THEN, Allie said, "I want mine done too, Mom!!" I looked at her and was like really??? She said she wanted it just like mine! (AWWW she DOES love me!) So we went home and I made my first attempt of cutting a girls hair besides just the basic straight across thing! Turned out pretty cute.
Love love LOVE the back! When it's dry she has kinda of this poof thing going on in the back and it flips on the bottom...she LOVES it! She also gained a couple years. New cut for my almost 10 year old. Man where did the time go?

Recent pics

2009-08-04T17:48:00.000-07:00

Over the fourth of July weekend one of my very best friends in this world and her family came down from Washington to stay with us. She and I decided to start a new tradition of getting our pictures done with our kids! It was SO much fun to get together with them, the kids got along great, the hubby's got along great and of course my ShouldaBeenSister and I had a FABULOUS time! I just wish every weekend could be so amazing!

Here's the shots we had done. Amazingly enough all but one of these were the first try! It was an easy session! Of course we had to be patriotic and did the red, white and blue theme!

Yep, it was....

2009-07-29T20:59:00.000-07:00

The last post from the hospital cuz WE ARE HOME!!! Thank GOD!

Mark's heart test did in fact show no infection or fungus. He basically got a clean bill of health along with a shrug as to why he's been so sick. Let's see...about 30 blood draws, 3 xrays, FOUR spinal taps, an echo cardiogram, 5 nights of 104 fever, 9 days in the hospital...and they found NOTHING. Welcome to the world of cancer.

He's still weak and has horrible muscle aches and still having headaches. But we are home, and trust me, not only does it FEEL better to heal at home but it happens faster! It's all in the mental attitude!!

Thanks all for your prayers and keeping us in your thoughts! We feel EVERY one!!!

God Bless

Last post from the hospital???

2009-07-27T20:38:00.000-07:00

I sure hope so!!

Mark's echocardiogram thingy went fine. He said it wasn't as scary as he thought it would be. Annnd of course, it showed no infection or fungus or bacteria. All clean and pretty. *shocker*

He's feeling great. Still having some headaches but not as bad. Enjoyed Joey's pizza tonight for dinner, his favorite! (thanks Kathy!)

We are ready to go home. We miss our kids. We miss our bed. We miss....being home. Ugh...I'm whining again!

Night all, hopefully tomorrow brings you a post from...well....HOME.

The Saga continues

2009-07-27T14:05:00.000-07:00

Sooo here we were thinking that Mark makes it 24 hours and we get to go home! Cuz...ya know...that's what Dr. Caton SAID. Well, he forgot to mention that the 24 hours had to be antibiotic FREE. So our countdown begins again.

Currently Mark is off getting yet another test that will show nothing...an echo cardiogram. They put a scope down his throat to check the heart's valves to make sure there is no infection. Sounds fun huh? Ya, so not excited on this one. He's been off antibiotics now since this morning 5ish...so HOPEFULLY tomorrow we will get to leave. I'm tired of saying that. I want to say "Yay we're home and tanning on the patio!" Figures the hottest week of the summer and we're stuck in the hospital! LOL Well, at least it's air conditioned right?

We are both all sorts of grumpy at this point. So ready to be done. So ready for the roller coaster ride to stop now so we can get off! It's not fun anymore and we are screaming for our Father to get us OOOOFFFFF!!!!

Ok...done whining.

WOW!

2009-07-26T12:46:00.000-07:00

Mark: "I feel.....better."

Me: *blink blink*

Mark: *chuckles* "Weird huh?"

Me: "Ya! That's great to hear!"

God is good.

Sunday update

2009-07-26T10:09:00.000-07:00

Yesterday's tests were a pain. They wouldn't let him eat or drink until he had them, then didn't come to get him about 330! MEAN! They tried twice to get spinal fluid and the doctor on duty was either a complete idiot or inept. Have you ever heard of someone trying to pull spinal fluid out with the patient laying flat on their stomach??? Crazy. Anyway, they couldn't get any so he gets to go try again today! yeehaw. The CT scan did show sinus issues though which Dr. Cho said definitely could be the cause of the fevers and no doubt is the cause of his headaches and discomfort.

He slept most of the day yesterday (boring for Becky) as the nurses kept him pretty drugged up to keep those headaches at bay. Much nicer to hear him snore than groan. While he was gone for the tests yesterday I went exploring and found a back door down some long corridor (think Halloween 2 here) which led directly to the paths in the back of the hospital. I found myself sitting on a bench under a tree overlooking the river. What a wonderful and spiritual place to have a little talk with God! I have every faith that we are about done here. A day or two more I would think at the most. Hopefully I don't lose what's left of my sanity before then.

Mark is now on two antibiotics (yay) one of which targets the sinuses specifically so Dr. Cho said that IF that is the problem Mark should be feeling a lot of relief within 48 hours. We are currently on hour 12 roughly and his headaches do seem to be subsiding a bit. (although that COULD be the drugs too...)

So please keep praying my warriors! It's definitely working. We know there's a reason we didn't go home yesterday, we know there's a reason he's still getting fevers. We are trying to get our hearts and emotions to be in the same place as our brain....it's tougher than you might think.

God Bless

Saturday news

2009-07-25T09:37:00.001-07:00

Morning all. The oncologist that is on call this weekend came in to see Mark this morning. Stayed and talked to us for a good 20 minutes to get the gist of Mark's history. He is concerned about the headaches that Mark has had for the last week. First thing he did was order an IV...lol looks like the groshong came out a day too early! Gonna give him some platelets as that count is at 33 and to perform more tests it needs to be at least 50. Next is a CT scan on his sinuses to rule out or confirm infection there. At that time they are also going to do a spinal tap to check for infection and worst case scenario, a return of the leukemia starting in the spine.

We should have results of these tests this afternoon. Until then please pray that it's a simple infection that can be taken care of with a heavy dose of the correct anti biotic and please keep praying that the fevers stop. He hasn't had one yet this morning so I still take that as a good sign!

God Bless

God has a plan...

2009-07-24T21:57:00.000-07:00

and it is not for us to know...but honestly we are just confused right now. We have been through so much in the last 5 months and you all have stuck with us the whole way. We respectfully ask you for some more deep prayer for Mark. His blood counts are UP. His white cells should be fighting for him. His red cells should be carrying the oxygen to the necessary places...but neither of those things seem to be happening. He's resting, drinking, eating as much as he can, doing everything he should be doing. He had a GREAT day, up and energetic, waiting anxiously for the promise of going home tomorrow. 24 hours no fever, seems such a little thing to ask. All the xrays and cultures taken in the last four days (3 xrays and 4 cultures to be exact) have all come back negative for any bacteria or infection and yet here we sit. Fever busted out at 103 before the tylenol kicked in. WHY?

I know I won't get that answer. But knowing that doesn't stop my human brain from screaming it out. It doesn't stop our tears of frustration, our despair of being stuck here, or worry of what COULD BE WRONG. We are scared. We are tired. We are lost.

My only comfort tonight is seeing our Lord work directly through our nurse, Kay. She recently cared for her son who is fighting colon cancer and refused to let Mark apologize when he yelled at her. She said "You do NOT apologize to me. I understand that you are scared and I promise to do everything I can to help you tonight. But I will not allow you to be sorry. I will not lose my temper with you and I will not be hurt. You are FINE." To this my Beloved broke down and this sweet woman grabbed his head, looked him straight in the eye and said, "You let me help you, Okay?" God is so good.

Please pray for Mark. Pray that whatever is in his body that is causing these fevers LEAVES. Pray that he finds relief and the pain is gone in the morning. Pray for our understanding. Pray for the doctors to know just what to do.

And pray a special thank you for our God sent nurse, Kay.

Good night and God Bless.

Graphic pictures...warning for sensitive viewers!

2009-07-24T12:31:00.000-07:00

Good morning all! Another monumental moment in our cancer saga this morning...Mark had his Groshong cathedar removed!!!! YAY!!!! Thought I'd post the pics for you more morbid (like me) viewers!!

Mark is SO happy!
Marvin (the tech) prepped the site. This is the first time y'all have seen the Groshong! See why it was such a pain?
Injecting novicane to numb the area. Owie.
Removing the sutures...they were inbedded after 5 months!
Getting ready....

He had a pair of surgical scissors inside Mark's chest about 2 inches, digging around and separating the tissue from the tubing! It was AMAZING to watch!! He's gonna have a heck of a bruise!
Pulling on the line to see where the "cuff" was. It has a velcro type piece on it that the tissues inside Mark's chest adhered to...kept it in place but makes it so he can't just pull it out...had to coax it out.
And it's out!! The end was next to Mark's heart in that big vessel...forget the name.
Gaping hole wound. No stitches tho because it needs to be able to "ooze". ew.
That's it! Hope nobody fainted!! MUAHAHAHA!

Mark update

2009-07-22T19:45:00.001-07:00

Most of you know that Mark's last round of chemo was this month. Right now we are in the third week. He had his blood drawn last Wednesday and we knew that he was neutropenic and his red blood and platelets were down. His next appointment with the doctor was on Monday. On Saturday we knew he was in desperate need of a transfusion but were hoping to make it through the weekend. Sunday evening rolled around and we realized that wasn't going to happen. He was short of breath, terribly weak and shivering. So we brought him into ER, got admitted relatively quickly and they started pumping blood into him. We were here overnight and then discharged at 315ish on Monday. We went home and I took the kids to swimming lessons and at 630ish Mark called me and said he'd spiked a fever. So I rushed home with the kids, dropped them off with my mom and brought Mark BACK to the hospital. Luckily the doc on call didn't make us go through ER again and we were directly admitted and they started anti-biotics. Woot, a whole 3 hours home!

Last night his temp got up to 104. SO scary. This morning Dr. Caton said he believes Mark has a blood infection. He is getting "riggors" which are tremor like shakes that wreck his body. His muscles and back are extremely sore now from having the riggors for the last three days. Doc said they should subside once his white blood cell counts come back and his body can take over healing itself. They are giving him booster shots to help kick start the white cells, but they haven't worked thus far.

He's pretty sick. We would appreciate all you prayers directed at this infection and the quick recovery of his blood counts so he can not only be/feel better, but also so we can go home where he is more comfortable. We love you all. Thanks so much!

2009-07-15T22:07:00.000-07:00

Recently, I overheard a mother and daughter in their last moments together at the airport. They had announced the departure. Standing near the security gate, they hugged, and the mother said, 'I love you, and I pray you enough.'

The daughter replied, 'Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I pray you enough, too, Mom.'

They kissed, and the daughter left. The mother walked over to the window where I was seated. Standing there, I could see she wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on her privacy, but she welcomed me in by asking, 'Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?'

Yes, I have,' I replied. 'Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?'

'Well...I'm not as young as I once was, she lives so far away & has her own busy life. I have some challenges ahead, and the reality is - her next trip back will be for my funeral,' she said.

'When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, 'I pray you enough.' May I ask what that means?'

She began to smile. 'That's a prayer that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone.' She paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail, and she smiled even more. 'When we said, 'I pray you enough,' we wanted the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them.'

Then, turning toward me, she shared the following as if she were reciting it from memory.

I pray you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear.

I pray you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.

I pray you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting.

I pray you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger.

I pray you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I pray you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I pray you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.

Then, she began to cry, and walked away.

They say, it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but an entire life to forget them.

TAKE TIME TO LIVE.....

To all my friends and loved ones,
I PRAY YOU ENOUGH.......