The Bagenski Family: Much needed retreat

It's crazy to think that after last years drama and trials, I was able to remain strong and unmoved, my faith was strong, my drive was strong, I was the epitomy of a God fearing woman who knew what God had in store for this family...that this year I am lost. I have been in a dark place for months. Haven't wanted to do much, don't want to get out of bed, don't want to take care of my family and home, don't want to pray or be prayed for much less open my Bible and listen for God to talk to me. It's been horrible. Draining on not only myself, but my husband, my babies, and everyone else around me.

After all God did for us last year, all the miracles He performed day after day, His presence through it all was so apparent to us; we never felt Him leave our side, you'd think my faith could never falter. I don't know if that's really what has happened...my FAITH hasn't faltered, I have. I felt abandoned, dismissed, ignored. I was angry with myself. Was I angry with God? I don't think it went that far but I definitely was angry with Becky. I felt selfish. How could I possibly be anything but ecstatic with my life, with my blessings, with my answered prayer. I don't know...but I was unhappy. Unmotivated.

Mom insisted we go on our church's Women's Retreat. One more thing I was agreeing to without feeling any urge or desire what so ever. Which made me angry with Becky again. I could not hear God talking to me anymore. I could not feel his presence with me at ALL.

This last weekend I met and worshipped beside some of the most amazing, God fearing, loving and open women I've ever known in my life. I don't think I've ever cried so hard and so much as I did those three days. I know I've never been prayed over as much as I was. (not prayed FOR...prayed OVER.) I'm not sure anyone can understand what an opportunity a retreat is, to fellowship with sisters or brothers in Christ in a natural setting with no outside interruptions, unless you have been to one. It was life changing. Life altering. I am so blessed to have been talked into going, so fortunate for God's intervention in forcing me out of my house and out of my "comfort zone". I hadn't heard Him for so long. I hear Him again. Our speaker gave me so many enlightening things to think and pray about...she was inside my head the entire weekend, but she also gave me the "Ah-hah Moment" I needed to snap out of my funk. I know it will still take work, I know I'm not fixed overnight. But now I know that I have not been abandoned; on the contrary, God gave me 25 other women to support me through this next phase.

I am blessed indeed. Thank you, God.