This really spoke to me.

Brent McCall was our speaker today. As I've said before I absolutely love that man. He was definitely speaking to me today. Well, more so to Mark, but me too.

God has a plan for us. From the moment we are conceived he knows everything about us. He only gives us that which we can handle. There have been so many times in my life that have been "the worst thing that could happen". When Mark got sick, once again it was "the worst thing that could happen". I'm sure someday there will come along another "worst thing", but for now, this is it. But I'm not scared. God already knows what will happen. I'm just along for the ride. I have been pulled so close to Him through all of this. Mark's faith and love of the Lord has been such a strength for me as I'm sure mine has for him. We have made new friends, we have gotten closer and stronger in our marriage, our children have learned about miracles and faith first hand, our friends and family have grown stronger in their faith as they witness the power of our Lord. There is a REASON we are going through this. There is a REASON it's Mark and not me. There is a REASON that every step of the way has been filled with HAPPINESS and JOY and LOVE!! I have felt more of those emotions over the last three months than anything else!! There is no sorrow, despair, fear! We know our God is with us. We feel his presence every single day. We see Him in the eyes of our children. When their little voices pray to Him to "please bless this food and heal Daddy from this leukemia"; He hears them. And He will. He is.

We have no fear! We have faith! We will hold steadfast onto Him and ride it out and hopefully we will see more and more of the REASONS it is happening to us; for we know there are many. It is our privilege to do His work and be a part of His plan.

God is good!


"A prayer for God to examine the heart and see its true devotion. Like Job, the author firmly claims his loyalty to the Lord. Nowhere (outside Job) does one find expressed such profound awareness of how awesome it is to ask God to examine not only one's life but also his soul - God, who knows every thought, word and deed, from whom there is no hiding, who has been privy even to one's formation in the dark concealment of the womb." - NIV Study Bible

O Lord, you have searched me and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord.

You hem me in --behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
to lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.

If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book before one of them came to be.

How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake, I am still with you.

If only you would slay the wicked, O God!
Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!
They speak of you with evil intent; your adversaries misuse your name.
Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord,
and abhor those who rise up against you?
I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

-Psalms 139-