Yep, it was....

The last post from the hospital cuz WE ARE HOME!!! Thank GOD!

Mark's heart test did in fact show no infection or fungus. He basically got a clean bill of health along with a shrug as to why he's been so sick. Let's see...about 30 blood draws, 3 xrays, FOUR spinal taps, an echo cardiogram, 5 nights of 104 fever, 9 days in the hospital...and they found NOTHING. Welcome to the world of cancer.

He's still weak and has horrible muscle aches and still having headaches. But we are home, and trust me, not only does it FEEL better to heal at home but it happens faster! It's all in the mental attitude!!

Thanks all for your prayers and keeping us in your thoughts! We feel EVERY one!!!

God Bless

Last post from the hospital???

I sure hope so!!

Mark's echocardiogram thingy went fine. He said it wasn't as scary as he thought it would be. Annnd of course, it showed no infection or fungus or bacteria. All clean and pretty. *shocker*

He's feeling great. Still having some headaches but not as bad. Enjoyed Joey's pizza tonight for dinner, his favorite! (thanks Kathy!)

We are ready to go home. We miss our kids. We miss our bed. We miss....being home. Ugh...I'm whining again!

Night all, hopefully tomorrow brings you a post from...well....HOME.

The Saga continues

Sooo here we were thinking that Mark makes it 24 hours and we get to go home! Cuz...ya know...that's what Dr. Caton SAID. Well, he forgot to mention that the 24 hours had to be antibiotic FREE. So our countdown begins again.

Currently Mark is off getting yet another test that will show nothing...an echo cardiogram. They put a scope down his throat to check the heart's valves to make sure there is no infection. Sounds fun huh? Ya, so not excited on this one. He's been off antibiotics now since this morning 5ish...so HOPEFULLY tomorrow we will get to leave. I'm tired of saying that. I want to say "Yay we're home and tanning on the patio!" Figures the hottest week of the summer and we're stuck in the hospital! LOL Well, at least it's air conditioned right?

We are both all sorts of grumpy at this point. So ready to be done. So ready for the roller coaster ride to stop now so we can get off! It's not fun anymore and we are screaming for our Father to get us OOOOFFFFF!!!!

Ok...done whining.

WOW!

Mark: "I feel.....better."

Me: *blink blink*

Mark: *chuckles* "Weird huh?"

Me: "Ya! That's great to hear!"

God is good.

Sunday update

Yesterday's tests were a pain. They wouldn't let him eat or drink until he had them, then didn't come to get him about 330! MEAN! They tried twice to get spinal fluid and the doctor on duty was either a complete idiot or inept. Have you ever heard of someone trying to pull spinal fluid out with the patient laying flat on their stomach??? Crazy. Anyway, they couldn't get any so he gets to go try again today! yeehaw. The CT scan did show sinus issues though which Dr. Cho said definitely could be the cause of the fevers and no doubt is the cause of his headaches and discomfort.

He slept most of the day yesterday (boring for Becky) as the nurses kept him pretty drugged up to keep those headaches at bay. Much nicer to hear him snore than groan. While he was gone for the tests yesterday I went exploring and found a back door down some long corridor (think Halloween 2 here) which led directly to the paths in the back of the hospital. I found myself sitting on a bench under a tree overlooking the river. What a wonderful and spiritual place to have a little talk with God! I have every faith that we are about done here. A day or two more I would think at the most. Hopefully I don't lose what's left of my sanity before then.

Mark is now on two antibiotics (yay) one of which targets the sinuses specifically so Dr. Cho said that IF that is the problem Mark should be feeling a lot of relief within 48 hours. We are currently on hour 12 roughly and his headaches do seem to be subsiding a bit. (although that COULD be the drugs too...)

So please keep praying my warriors! It's definitely working. We know there's a reason we didn't go home yesterday, we know there's a reason he's still getting fevers. We are trying to get our hearts and emotions to be in the same place as our brain....it's tougher than you might think.

God Bless

Saturday news

Morning all. The oncologist that is on call this weekend came in to see Mark this morning. Stayed and talked to us for a good 20 minutes to get the gist of Mark's history. He is concerned about the headaches that Mark has had for the last week. First thing he did was order an IV...lol looks like the groshong came out a day too early! Gonna give him some platelets as that count is at 33 and to perform more tests it needs to be at least 50. Next is a CT scan on his sinuses to rule out or confirm infection there. At that time they are also going to do a spinal tap to check for infection and worst case scenario, a return of the leukemia starting in the spine.

We should have results of these tests this afternoon. Until then please pray that it's a simple infection that can be taken care of with a heavy dose of the correct anti biotic and please keep praying that the fevers stop. He hasn't had one yet this morning so I still take that as a good sign!

God Bless

God has a plan...

and it is not for us to know...but honestly we are just confused right now. We have been through so much in the last 5 months and you all have stuck with us the whole way. We respectfully ask you for some more deep prayer for Mark. His blood counts are UP. His white cells should be fighting for him. His red cells should be carrying the oxygen to the necessary places...but neither of those things seem to be happening. He's resting, drinking, eating as much as he can, doing everything he should be doing. He had a GREAT day, up and energetic, waiting anxiously for the promise of going home tomorrow. 24 hours no fever, seems such a little thing to ask. All the xrays and cultures taken in the last four days (3 xrays and 4 cultures to be exact) have all come back negative for any bacteria or infection and yet here we sit. Fever busted out at 103 before the tylenol kicked in. WHY?

I know I won't get that answer. But knowing that doesn't stop my human brain from screaming it out. It doesn't stop our tears of frustration, our despair of being stuck here, or worry of what COULD BE WRONG. We are scared. We are tired. We are lost.

My only comfort tonight is seeing our Lord work directly through our nurse, Kay. She recently cared for her son who is fighting colon cancer and refused to let Mark apologize when he yelled at her. She said "You do NOT apologize to me. I understand that you are scared and I promise to do everything I can to help you tonight. But I will not allow you to be sorry. I will not lose my temper with you and I will not be hurt. You are FINE." To this my Beloved broke down and this sweet woman grabbed his head, looked him straight in the eye and said, "You let me help you, Okay?" God is so good.

Please pray for Mark. Pray that whatever is in his body that is causing these fevers LEAVES. Pray that he finds relief and the pain is gone in the morning. Pray for our understanding. Pray for the doctors to know just what to do.

And pray a special thank you for our God sent nurse, Kay.

Good night and God Bless.

Graphic pictures...warning for sensitive viewers!

Good morning all! Another monumental moment in our cancer saga this morning...Mark had his Groshong cathedar removed!!!! YAY!!!! Thought I'd post the pics for you more morbid (like me) viewers!!

Mark is SO happy!
Marvin (the tech) prepped the site. This is the first time y'all have seen the Groshong! See why it was such a pain?
Injecting novicane to numb the area. Owie.
Removing the sutures...they were inbedded after 5 months!
Getting ready....

He had a pair of surgical scissors inside Mark's chest about 2 inches, digging around and separating the tissue from the tubing! It was AMAZING to watch!! He's gonna have a heck of a bruise!
Pulling on the line to see where the "cuff" was. It has a velcro type piece on it that the tissues inside Mark's chest adhered to...kept it in place but makes it so he can't just pull it out...had to coax it out.
And it's out!! The end was next to Mark's heart in that big vessel...forget the name.
Gaping hole wound. No stitches tho because it needs to be able to "ooze". ew.
That's it! Hope nobody fainted!! MUAHAHAHA!

Mark update

Most of you know that Mark's last round of chemo was this month. Right now we are in the third week. He had his blood drawn last Wednesday and we knew that he was neutropenic and his red blood and platelets were down. His next appointment with the doctor was on Monday. On Saturday we knew he was in desperate need of a transfusion but were hoping to make it through the weekend. Sunday evening rolled around and we realized that wasn't going to happen. He was short of breath, terribly weak and shivering. So we brought him into ER, got admitted relatively quickly and they started pumping blood into him. We were here overnight and then discharged at 315ish on Monday. We went home and I took the kids to swimming lessons and at 630ish Mark called me and said he'd spiked a fever. So I rushed home with the kids, dropped them off with my mom and brought Mark BACK to the hospital. Luckily the doc on call didn't make us go through ER again and we were directly admitted and they started anti-biotics. Woot, a whole 3 hours home!

Last night his temp got up to 104. SO scary. This morning Dr. Caton said he believes Mark has a blood infection. He is getting "riggors" which are tremor like shakes that wreck his body. His muscles and back are extremely sore now from having the riggors for the last three days. Doc said they should subside once his white blood cell counts come back and his body can take over healing itself. They are giving him booster shots to help kick start the white cells, but they haven't worked thus far.

He's pretty sick. We would appreciate all you prayers directed at this infection and the quick recovery of his blood counts so he can not only be/feel better, but also so we can go home where he is more comfortable. We love you all. Thanks so much!

Recently, I overheard a mother and daughter in their last moments together at the airport. They had announced the departure. Standing near the security gate, they hugged, and the mother said, 'I love you, and I pray you enough.'

The daughter replied, 'Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I pray you enough, too, Mom.'

They kissed, and the daughter left. The mother walked over to the window where I was seated. Standing there, I could see she wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on her privacy, but she welcomed me in by asking, 'Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?'

Yes, I have,' I replied. 'Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?'

'Well...I'm not as young as I once was, she lives so far away & has her own busy life. I have some challenges ahead, and the reality is - her next trip back will be for my funeral,' she said.

'When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, 'I pray you enough.' May I ask what that means?'

She began to smile. 'That's a prayer that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone.' She paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail, and she smiled even more. 'When we said, 'I pray you enough,' we wanted the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them.'

Then, turning toward me, she shared the following as if she were reciting it from memory.

I pray you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear.

I pray you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.

I pray you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting.

I pray you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger.

I pray you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I pray you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I pray you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.

Then, she began to cry, and walked away.

They say, it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but an entire life to forget them.

TAKE TIME TO LIVE.....

To all my friends and loved ones,
I PRAY YOU ENOUGH.......

Remember why.

I was watching TV with the kids the other night and that old show "Malcom in the Middle" came on. If you haven't seen it you should...pretty funny show! This particular episode was full of flashbacks. The couple in the show has four boys, the oldest being about 16 in this episode. The storyline showed them as newly weds, so in love in their pristine white apartment excited about the birth of their new son. As the show goes on, the house gets dirtier, their clothes get raggier and they get angrier as the boys get older and more rambunctious! The final scene shows her pregnant with the fourth boy and as they are sitting in the rain, covered in mud, the three boys rolling around and yelling, smoke coming out of the house, her in labor and them screaming at each other she finally stops and says "We have to STOP this! We have to figure this out!" He of course thinking she means the hard financial times and the arrival of the baby says "I'll get another job". She says "No! We will always have hard times, we need to figure out a way to get THROUGH it without killing each other! We have to find US again!". She then makes him tell her seven things that he loves about her. By the end, they are both laughing, hugging and loving each other as much as they did on their wedding day.

We get into such routines in our lives. There is work, raising kids, finances, house work, who left what dish in the sink, who's turn is it to take out the garbage, why did he leave his dirty socks in the middle of the floor AGAIN, why did she leave the laundry in the dryer AGAIN. We forget about the love. The passion. We forget the first kisses and the butterflies. The twinkle in his eye, the bounce in her step, the joys of falling in love and being so completely happy that it seems the world has stopped spinning and the two of you are on top of it!

Divorce is so common now. People give up. People forget. So many lives get ruined, torn apart by fighting, bitterness, sadness. If only two people would remember why they fell in love and remember the wonderful things about each other and WORK to fix it, the world would be a better place. At least their world would be, and the world of their babies.

So I challenge all of you to try this in your own marriage. When you are fighting, at each others throats and it just seems there is no end to it, stop, look at your partner and say, "Tell me three." Then the other has to stop and say three reasons they love the other. What a fabulous way to not only stop the heat, but also to remember why.

This video is kinda hokey...but it was the only one I could find with decent audio of this amazing song. Enjoy.

This is it!

Today marks a monumental day in the cancer life of the Bagenski family! Today, Monday July 6th, 2009 is the first day of the last week of chemo! Yes you heard it here first...after this week we are DONE with chemo! PRAISE GOD!!!

If this last month is any indication of what's to come, it should be a rough next 4-5 weeks. Mark's body is really starting to hate the poison (go figure) so he was super tired, sick and grumpy this last month. But, we only have to do it one more time and then we can get back to our normal life! (wait...what is "normal" again?)

We also found out today that our wonderful Dr. Caton learned this last Friday that he has colon cancer! We would really appreciate if you would add John Caton to your prayers. They are hoping that surgery will remove it all next week without chemo or radiation as they found it early and it's very small. Kinda weird to find out our cancer doctor has cancer! He said he really doesn't wanna do Mark's "chemo thing" LOL!!!

Thanks all!

Bagenski BBQ Bonanza!

As I posted a few months ago the timing worked out perfectly for making our annual July 4th bbq happen this year! Chemo starts again tomorrow (LAST ONE if you're keeping track!!!) so Mark was feeling good and in an awesome mood to throw our party! It was considerably smaller this year which worked out well. Family and close friends (more like family then friends) came and went all day. Had some awesome food, some cool fireworks and a great show! Was blasted HOT so we spend a good portion of the afternoon INSIDE, but the evening was perfect!


We started out our weekend with a much awaited visit from our friends Becca and Don. They stayed all weekend with their kids Paige and Tad (James, but you know me...gotta have my own names for these babies!). It was FABULOUS having them here, although way too short!

Don and Mark get along FAMOUSLY!!! They hit it off the first time they met back in '04, but this time it's like they were old buddies!! SO great!

They look like twins from the back don't they? LMAO!
I said "Please scoot together?! Just one I promise!!" hehe
Allie (with the ice cream), Bec and Tad
Mmmmm
They thought they were very funny!
TAD! Bec said he would love me...he did NOT love me. I know...what's not to love right? Guess who he attached himself to? MARK! sheesh.
Some of the bbq goers!
Tim squeezin his babygirl. He's SUCH a good daddy!
He has no milk tho...where IS mommy? LOL
Oh there she is in the kitchen! (With Lukey lol)

**sigh** Common drunkie!! ONE good pic.
whew thanks Don! LOL! Aren't they cute?
Mark and his boy
...and his girl....
...and his mini me!
The beautiful Romanowskis!
My mom got a great "baby nap" with Jack Jack!
Jess and Ryan...uh...not sure where the baby was at this point. **counts, there's mama, becky's behind the camera, oh must be with debbie the baby thief!**
Thanks you guys for another wonderful year! Next year we'll do the all out bash but this was a perfect happy medium!