For as long as I can remember I wanted to be a mom. There were stages of being a 'Judge or a Beautician' (so not kidding!) and of course I wanted to be a teacher for most of my life (a mom that gets paid right?) but 100% of my life I knew I wanted to have kids. So I KNOW that I am so very blessed not only to have three beautiful babies, but they are healthy, smart, funny and amazing human beings. They are well mannered, kind, generous and loving. I have everything I could think of to want and more in these three gifts from God.
Having said that, I will be the first to admit that I do not always treasure them as I should. I am a redhead. Volatile by nature. I have a short fuse, I am super loud (ok, I yell.) and I'm moody! Ouch....writing it out kinda stung a little. But I'm sure many of you reading this have some not-so-complimentary traits to add to this list...no...I don't want that list in my email thank you very much. On the other hand (gotta give myself SOME props) I'm also quick to hug, snuggly beyond all reason and must tell them 50 times a day that I love them. But I'm beginning to realize that the good doesn't outweigh, nor does it cancel out the bad.
After an extremely hard few months, the sun has started it's healing process on me. I'm feeling better, have more energy and have tons of motivation to get my house in order. One problem. My children have learned some very bad habits while left to fend for themselves while old Mom was napping in bed for 4 months. Now suddenly the messes, the toothpaste drawer, the dishes and crumbs all over, the toys in the yard...ya, you get the picture, these things are really PISSING ME OFF! Now, before ya get your panties in a wad and tell me it's my own fault they got lax about these things let me stop you...I KNOW it's my fault. Tell my anxiety that.
I realize after spending the last two days (literally 2 entire waking days) deep cleaning two rooms (yes...a day per room) it's going to take me over a week to get this place into tip top condition. That's FINE! It's, again, my own fault it got to this point! But then the kids, in all their bad habit glory, come into the rooms I just spent upwards of 8 hours cleaning and DARE to leave a dirty dish on the table!!!! WHAT?! Oh no you DI N'T!!! After the third "flip out" and having some alone time cleaning up the crumbs (again) I decided to take the not so subtle advice of my own CALM mom, and my sister friend Boobie and put it into play. I decided to have a sit down, calm discussion with my three angels. At first I got the puppy dog eyed, I'm so sorry Mama, oh man please don't start yelling faces looking at me. Especially when I informed them that punishment for leaving dirty dishes on my clean counters not once but TWICE today earned them an early bedtime. But an amazing thing happened. I laid out the law, listed all the new rules that will take effect tomorrow, admitted my own faults in the situation, gave them all the reasons why this must happen and it must happen immediately! I noticed a subtle change first in Allie. She started to smile. Then Grace started to act excited about the "schedule" that will be enforced. My little man still looked sad and when asked he said he just didn't want me to be mad at him. Be still my guilty heart!
I realized as we sat down to an energized and happy dinner (despite the impending 830 bedtime mind you!) that not only do my children thrive in consistency and actually crave it, but they thrive when they see ME excited about doing things. They want their house to be in order. They want their Mama to be happy and wanting to do thing and keep things nice. They want me in their space! They love spending time with me even when I'm a creep! Even when I flip out and overreact, all they want to do is make me happy and see me smile.
My children humble me.
I want to be a better mom. I want to be a better person. With a lot of prayer by me and for me(and I do mean A LOT right Mom?) I think I'm finally figuring it out. I don't have to yell. I don't have to hold it all in until I explode. I just need to be as consistent with making my kids pick of after themselves as I am about having manners, being kind, and loving each other.
Hopefully by the time Grace graduates high school I'll have mastered it. God be with me!
No comments:
Post a Comment