Eye opener for me....

As I've stated in previous posts, church has helped me in many ways this year. I feel like I'm becoming a better person, more spiritual, more relaxed, more open minded. Recently I realized that too much of my time has been spent playing a silly game and it's not only taken me away from my duties as a wife and homemaker, but from being a mother. In all acuality I've neglected my children to an extent. Looking back over the last three years, me with my face to the computer screen, kids off watching TV or playing games of their own, hanging out in their rooms alone, wandering around looking for something to do.... makes me cringe and drop to my knees in front of these beautiful, innocent faces and beg for forgiveness. It seems the younger two haven't noticed too much, but Allison has. She would say things every so often and I would just brush it off, not WANTING to admit my own wrongdoing. Over the Christmas break I was simply too busy to play, but since the chaos has settled down I realized that I'd lost the addiction and thought...hmm, maybe now is a good time to let it go. When I mentioned this to Allison she about jumped out of her seat with happiness. Talk about a stab in the heart and a slap in the face with reality! Ouch.

I'm really hard on my kids. I expect a lot from them. Granted, they are VERY well behaved and know when Mama says something, she means it and they better hop to it. But sometimes I'm too harsh. I've been praying so much over the last six months to lighten up, to give them a break and remember that they ARE just babies. I made a promise to myself and to God to yell less, cuddle more, demand less, praise more. It's the year of breaking bad habits for me and it's tough. Pastor Jim said this week that we may want change, we may SAY we want change, but it's a willingness of the heart that most people are missing. He said we need to pray not to CHANGE, but to have the willingness to change and be who we need to be.

I need to be a better mom. I need to calm down and freak out less. I need to yell less. I need to play games more, cook more, chill on the couch and read books more, go for more walks, play in the play yard, ride bikes (my kids dont' even know HOW to ride bikes if you can believe it!!!). I've always prided myself and my kids on how well behaved they are; so obedient, polite, kind...I need to show them how much I appreciate them.

Funny thing is, that will probably make them even better kids.

Pray for me would ya? Sure do need all the help I can get.



Gold Wrapping Paper'

I received this from a friend who had a choice to make. It said that I had a choice to make too. I've chosen. Now it's your turn to choose.

The story goes that some time ago a mother punished her five year old daughter for wasting a roll of expensive gold wrapping paper. Money was tight and she became even
more upset when the child used the gold paper to decorate a box to put under the Christmas tree.

Nevertheless, the little girl brought the gift
box to her mother the next morning and then said, 'This is for you, Momma.'

The mother was embarrassed by her earlier overreaction, but her anger flared again when she opened the box and found it was empty.
She spoke to her daughter in a harsh manner.

'Don't you know, young lady, when you give someone a present there's supposed to be
something inside the package?'

She had tears in her eyes and said, 'Oh, Momma, it's not empty! I blew kisses into it until it was full.' The mother was crushed.
She fell on her knees and put her arms around her little girl, and she begged her forgiveness for her thoughtless anger.

An accident took the life of the child only a short time later, and it is told that the
mother kept that gold box by her bed for all the years of her life.

Whenever she was discouraged or faced difficult problems she would open the box
and take out an imaginary kiss and remember the love of the child who had put it there.

In a very real sense, each of us, as human beings, have been given a Golden box filled with unconditional love and kisses from our
children, family, friends and GOD. There is no more precious possession anyone could hold.