It's a good thing i'm putting the dates on these things or I woulda lost track by now! It sure seems like we've been here longer than we have. Seems like months. It's still so surreal...such an out of body experience.
We started off having a good day. Mark had a shower (which is not an easy feat lemme tell ya! That catheter makes him VERY nervous!), we watched a movie, he had a good appetite for lunch. Then about 3ish, it all kinda went downhill. He all of a sudden got nauseous, began violently throwing up and said he felt like he'd hit the height of a stomach flu in about 30 seconds flat. Welcome to chemo side effects. Wheeee. The nurse came in and gave him some nausea meds which promptly knocked him out, he woke up about 45 minutes later to pick at his dinner and then back to sleep. Then about 2 hours later he woke up again with pains in his stomach. The nurse then gave him his regular dose of nighttime pain meds, but gave them through the IV instead of pill form. Made him FREAK out...he got paranoid that he would stop breathing and was basically refusing to sleep. His mom and I assured him we would watch him, but still it took him a good 5 minutes to let himself go and even after that he was waking up every 10 minutes or so. I would never be able to do that...someone gives me pain drugs and I'm down for the count! This man has some pretty strong WORRY genes going on!! He is finally sleeping peacefully now, completely drugged out, but peaceful. Only 3 more days of this round of chemo and then the real side effects should be just about to hit, so we'll see.
Earlier today when he was feeling a bit more peppy he came and sat next to me on my couch/bed. He was messing with the laptop a bit and I was reading. Now, he was sick at our house for over a week before checking into the hospital. And now we've been here for over a week. So that's over 2 weeks of him being in bed and away from the family. As we sat here together, I scooted closer to him and laid my head on his back, and it hit me how much I miss him. I miss touching him, kissing him, hugging him. We are very loving people, we are always touching and kissing, to the point where our kids don't even notice! LOL More than 2 weeks it's been since I've been able to kiss him, to hug him, to snuggle with him at night and feed off his warmth. OH how I miss him. These are such simple things that we've always just done; ie, taken for granted. Never again will I let an opportunity go by for these little pleasures in life. Never again will I leave the house, go to bed, let an hour go by, without kissing my Beloved and telling him how much he means to me. It's the little things.
So tonight, as you head to bed, tell your family how much you love them. Go tuck in your kids one last time, kiss their heads, say a prayer over them for God to watch over them as they slumber. Hug your husband, kiss your wife, lie in each others arms this night and thank God that you are able to. Do this an extra time for Mark and me. Don't take it for granted. Don't lose one precious second. Don't waste one single show of affection. I would give anything to be able to crawl in bed with my husband tonight and sleep in his arms again.
My love to you all, Becky
3 comments:
You know Beck, I can honestly say that I know how it feels to desperately miss the man that you love...from across the planet. It is heartbreaking to even attempt to imagine how it must feel to miss him so very much from across the room.
I wish I could say something to take that pain away, but I know better. I'll say an extra prayer for you tonight and hope that God can give you an extra ounce of comfort in the midst of all of this.
Love and hugs to you.
Ever since word came down that Mark was this sick, I can't even begin to tell you much David and I truly reach for one another. You know how not into touch or affection I once was and now, I can't bare the thought of not being with in reach of David.
He plays footsies with me, something I used to hate.... he is always toying with my hands now when we sit together and there is this connection with out words when we pass one another through the house... eye contact that needs no words to express how we feel for one another.
The kids and I cuddle ALL THE TIME now. I don't hesitate to yank them into bed with me in the mornings or at bed time just to cuddle before we all depart to our own corners of the house.
I love just being peaceful too now, just simply letting people be what and who they are with out trying to make them be who they are not for what I used to think was what I wanted them to be. I hope that made sense...
It's much easier to just let life take it's course but be loving and compassionate on it's course.
I'm so sorry Mark is so sick with the chemo... just remind him, it's his body purging the poison!
Please, give Kathy my best. I think about her and pray for her too, all the time. Hug her for me... tell her I care. Please.
Mark too... let him know he is loved and missed.
Talk to you soon my sweet sister. I'll be praying as always... Livy
Hi Becky,
I just want you to know that I know how you feel and you are strong and will pull through this! I look back now on everything we went through with Kellen and even though it was 8 months of treatment...it only feels like 2 months went by! I am so glad you can be with him there in the hospital. I went 30 days without kissing my Kellen and believe me when I got to take off that mask I made up for it and you will get to also! What hospital are you guys at by the way?
Love you guys! Remember if you have any questions call me! 808-927-8356
Kristi
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